Reader Question: What's Harder?? (Part II - The Answer)

Reader Question: 

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

OR

Foster Care?

It was great to see all of your responses.

 For me both are emotionally draining and anxiety ridden.  And with both you can never seem to anticipate anything because once you think you have it figured out.. it changes, for better or worse... it changes.

With TTC and FT's time ticks by at the pace of a cycle.. everything is defined in terms of your ovulation.  You have the fertile time leading up to ovulation, and then the dreaded Two Week Wait to find out if you conceived.. only in our case that TWW never gave us the desired and hoped for BFP.  In the beginning the signs of AF weren't so depressing.. it was "oh well there's next month, we are still young" outlook and adage.  Then you start realizing.. SH*T this just isn't working.. and you seek medical help.. you take medication and are told that "it wont be a problem for you to conceive".. only there is still a problem.. you still aren't conceiving.  So you move further into the treatment process and continue to struggle with conception.. until there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.  A time when decide to grieve the loss of your biological child and either live a child-free life or pursue other means create a family.

Then we have the Foster Care side of the equation... time ticks by at the pace of a court date (every 3 months).  And information isn't freely passed between parties.  Foster Parents can "see" how the case is going by their foster children's behaviour, but that can be misleading.  We aren't even always told what circumstances brought the children into care... we can surmise based on comments or attending court hearings (which I never attended.. working in the legal field, I never wanted the court to ask me a question without having been fully prepped on how to answer it -- the big thing with courts is that everything has to be facts not opinions and so mixing your feelings into the fold, won't always bring about your desired outcome).  And I can tell you, this past case was emotionally exhausting for me.  I always felt as thought I couldn't truly determine whether or not I was being selfish or if I was truly thinking of the children's best interest.  Sadly, there are times (in parenting not just foster parenting) where being selfish and having the child's best interest at are are one in the same... and yet you feel guilty because of that simple truth.

So for me.. although they were both riddled with anxiety and heartache, being a Foster Parent was much harder.  Solely because there are lives at stake.  With TTC & FT's YES I grieved, and yes there are days when I still continue to grieve, but it was in the abstract.  Whereas with Foster Parenting, I see .. daily .. the toll it takes on the children and on their families.

For me.. being a Foster Parent is much harder than TTC'ing or injecting myself with needles and being jabbed by the U/S tech every other day to see if things are "ripening" properly.

Subfertile

My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE


Well, we went back to the OB/Gyn on Wednesday, July 9th, to determine our path to conception (I had started a new cycle the day before). I had told her about the clotting (i know it's gross - but it was the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen... it was almost skin like).. she presumed it was "pregnancy lining" and made me do a pregnancy test. It was negative. She also determined that my cervix had closed again (no wonder my cramps were really bad the day before), so she dilated me and gave me a prescription for an HSG (and Clomid (a pill to help ovulation and the produciton of stronger eggs) for my next cycle.


I had the HSG (hystosongram) on Tuesday, July 15th (CD8) and it came back clear.. no blockages, no abnormalities, no holes. It wasn't an easy procedure.. in fact it's quite uncomfortable. They had to insert a catheter into my cervix.. which is partially blocked off because of the stenosis.. and they couldn't even get it all the way, but managed to get it far enough in to inflate the balloon and inject the dye.

P.S if you have to have an HSG do/bring the following: take ibuprofen (or 4 advil, which equates to 1 prescription strength motrin) about 1 hour before the procedure, bring pads (the pads they give you are like bricks!) & baby wipes.. you are a complete mess afterwards.

Anyway, because the results were clear that means that our fertility issues are a direct result of the cervical issues and now we are as being "subfertile", because in all other respects we should have no problem conceiving.

So we have an appointment with the R.E. (reproductive endocronologist) for a consultation on Friday, August 15th, because I'll be in the middle of my next cycle (it should begin around August 3rd), we are going to try the Clomid (although it is pretty clear it won't help). Hopefully, we can schedule IUI for the following cycle (which'll begin around August 30th).. so here's to a Gemini Baby (yikes twins.. and with the IUI there is a chance of multiples)!! ;)