Reader Question: What's Harder Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments OR Foster Care? (Part I)

Reader Question: 

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

OR

Foster Care?

Well, that is a tough one to answer.

So let me open this up to my Readers... What are your thoughts, questions, answers?  And then I will share mine.

History Repeats Itself?

So last year we had to jump over all sorts of hurdles to get licensed for foster care.  And now we have to do it again...   I feel as though I am some sorted version of Groundhog Day.

"Didn't I just do this?"

So, here we go again with Physicals, Fingerprinting, References, Home Studies, and Paperwork... all of which is to be completed by the 2nd week in September.  I guess I better start making my phone calls now and schedule it all in.

Remind me why I am running around to this again?  Oh yah.. "A"arron, "B"ella & "C"indy.

Adjust, Alter, Amend

The way we talk about things in life may be "normal", but should they be? Should we never.. "Adjust, Alter, Amend" our terms, our verbiage, or even our perceptions?

With infertilty.. the "normal" reaction by friends and family is "Who's problem is it?" or "Who's fault is it?" Because that is what they assume, its a problem, a fault, an issue.. not a disease, not something that could be corrected with medical help.

With adoption.. the "normal" reacation by friends and family is "Why'd the mother give up the baby?" or "How could someone give up something so precious?" Because that is what they assume, the parents just threw away the child, they had more important things to do with their life than parent.. not that they CHOSE adoption, that they pondered the consquences of their decision, that they consicously made this decision that will not only affect the rest of their lives, but the rest of the child's life, as well as the adoptive family's lives.

So why not advocate for our friends and family to Adjust, Alter, Amend their percepations and even verbiage when it comes to these very personal and emotially sensitive topics.  Why should we continue to accept the "normal" reactions, instead of requesting the "appropriate" reactions?

Infertility is a painful and difficult time in a person's and a couple's lives... in fact some couples do not survive past the prognosis.  The pain and anger over not being able to conceive outweighs the love they once had for each other.  There are many emotional struggles when dealing with Infertility and then the treatments associated with "curing" it.  But with patience and "appropriate" reactions from friends and family, the emotional struggles can be overcome by the support and love they receive.

Adoption is the same... people don't give up, it isn't a failure to have your child adopted by another family... it is a choice, it is a heartfelt decision to do something so selfless for the child and another family. 

 

So Adjust, Alter, Amend...

"Infertility is a Disease"  and "Adoption is a Choice"

both require two simple, hearfelt things:

Sympathy and Empathy.

Oh yah.. and ummmm... we are also officially licensed. (okay that was a bit nonchalant).. so,

WE ARE OFFICIALLY LICENSED!!

I have a feeling that we will be having quite a few things to Adjust, Alter, Amend in our daily lives, in the very near future.

¿dónde estás?

This question never seems to not come in conversation...

 "Where are you?"

 -- in relation to the Foster Care Licensing Process --

Well, we are in the same room room we were last week, and even last month.. the Waiting.Room.  Just chillin' and waiting and seriously annoying the KGB weekly.  I email her to ask about the status, which she says... prompts her to call the state department and find out where we stand.  But basically.. its a stand.still, you know how government agencies are.. a complete and utter traffic jam.  So, we wait... and wait some more.. just every so patiently waiting.

And our supposed busy household, is not so full of hustle and bustle either.  The church decided to place the FORE counselors in one home, instead of dividing them between dos casas.  So, maybe that means that I can start on another project... painting the jack and jill bathroom (its small).. and then if we still don't have any movement on the FosterCare front and the homefront is still a quiet environment, we I (P is in an online Masters program, with LOTS of homework.. so its not so much that he would be unwilling.. just more unable.. getting an amazing GPA for his Masters is more important than assisting me in painting) can paint the other guest bedroom.

so for now.....

Red.Tape

It's been awhile since I've posted, basically because nothing has happened... well other than a lovely vacation back to the smallest state in the union.  I emailed the KGB yesterday to find out the status of our Foster Care license, and she hasn't heard anything back from the state, so she planned on calling them today to find out.  So, the red.tape of government agenices has a stuck at a stand still on the Foster Care front.. which is fine and dandy, because we should be taking in two (2) college aged counselors for our church's summer program, this coming week.  From what I have been told, the kids are pretty self-sufficient and that we would only responsible for feeding the breakfast while they reside with us.  A different member of the congregation will be taking them to dinner each night.  Not too bad.. plus it's nice to have a "busy" household -- partly because I grew up in a "busy" household... my parents, grandparents, great uncle and his daughter (for a brief period), a cousin (during the summer break from school), and my 4 siblings all lived in one house... not a mansion, a 17th century farmhouse... which had been expanded over the years.  It was an interesting childhood to say the least. 

So, the past week involved a trip to Niagara Falls (well, we drove across the bridge and I snapped a pic with my cell phone), a trip up to the Adirondacks, a brief drive through Lake Placid (not the lake, the town.. we saw some of the Olympic Arenas.. an intersting site for the eyes), and finally to the Ocean State for my middle brother's wedding at the family "farm" (it was a jersery farm, then a stable for boarding horses, then a plant nursery, now just a self-sufficient farm for my parents and FB's -- but its been in the family since the beginning.. so its a special place in our hearts).

Paper, Paper, Paper

Well, the paperwork is completed and has been sent to the "Approval Gods" (see the Checklist).  Yes, that means that P had his TB test, which was negative.. not that we weren't positive it would be negative.  And funny enough, of all the tests we've taken throughout he years of TTC and FTs this is one of the few tests that it be negatory is exciting and wonderful!!  We also got back our AWARD from the lovely state of PA... annd I say AWARD, because that is litterally what it looked like.  Basically, CONGRATULATIONS.. You are not a Child Abuser!!  I honestly LAUGHED, and almost choked, when I opened the envelope to see a tan sheet of paper with that award border, my name (we each received our own.. how special), and a paragraph explaining that we had been cleared.

I also spoke with KGB, via email, yesterday and she said that it takes about 3.. THREE... weeks for the AG's to give us the go ahead to have a placement.  Which, puts us into July AND my middle brother's wedding.  So, if we were to get a call for a placement straight away, it looks like we'd have to turn it down, unless we can get approval to take the kiddo(s) with us to the Ocean State.

And to add to your pleasure, I have some pics from the gifts we received from all of our amazing friends and familyl, who have supported us through this whole endeavor and whom I know will continue to support us (sorry I don't have any pics from the Licensing Shower, but it I don't.. no excuses there).

I swear I'll be sending out the "thank you" notes soon.. they are done.. I just have to put stamps on them.  But know that I do "THANK YOU".. well WE THANK YOU.  Considering we don't know the age or even sex of our future child(ren), the items we did receive will be of much use, because they fit a vast age group.