Just Hurdling...

Even though I find blogging/writing/journaling therapeutic... sometimes I just don't have the time to get it all out and share the nonsense in my head.

In March we took two new placements (again for privacy purposes their names will be changed):  "D"ylan (boy) and "E"mma (girl).  At the time, they were placed with us "D" was 8 weeks old and he slept through the night (he still sleeps through the night) and "E" was 2 1/2 years old.  "D" is a pretty cheery little guy.. although he does turn into a gremlin if he is overtired.  And "E" was quite shy in the beginning... she wouldn't talk to adults and barely spoke.  We initially thought she had some sort of developmental or cognitive delay, but she has come around... first speaking with the other children and then forming trust with the adults in her life and having full on conversations with us.  They are an interesting addition to the home and family unit, but they are foster children... we have no plans on pursuing adoption should they be unable to be reunified.  We know that this is best for them and our family and that there is an amazing set of people out there who would be blessed to have them should they be unable to be reunited with biological family.

And, happily our family is complete!! The missing puzzle piece has been found and we are overjoyed that "C"indy and "B"ella are our daughters! We had a small ceremony at church, in which we said a prayer with our congregation and some of our family was able to attend (not living in the same state as our families can be a drag for moments like this).  The girls started the school year with their new names and were soo excited!!


We've had some behavioral issues with "B"ella post adoption and my anxiety has shot through the roof!  But we are working through things, her therapy sessions have increased and so has my listening to Love & Logic CD's during my commute.  We have discussed medication, but really feel that isn't a great choice, given her past and possible predisposition to addiction.  We'd like to utilize Occupational/Behavioral Therapy instead of medication... she is only 5 years old and with her trauma history is emotionally a 3 year old (maybe 4 year old).. so her behaviors are on target for her emotional age.  Sometimes meeting her where she is emotionally is easier said then done... again that is where L&L is my saving grace... along with giving myself a time-out.

Right now she said she enjoys writing sentences as a consequence.. I believe it gives her time to process right from wrong.  She writes 5 sentences.. usually it is "I will sit on the carpet at circle time." and she says the sentence as she writes.  The next day she has a great day at school.. there are some mornings that she just wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. And its like dealing with Oscar the Grouch.  She'll do everything in her power to annoy every person in our home.. typically the other children.  And once she is put in a time out for that... she is on the wrong foot for the rest of the day.  Tuesday it was turning off and on the kitchen lights while I was getting ready.. I hear "A"arron screaming at her "DOP IT!! I TANT SEE!! DOP ITT!!!!" and "E"mma "Peas Stop!!" and even "C"indy "They are asking you nicely!"  Finally, I call down.. "That's it, turn the lights back on and sit on the step until we are ready to leave!"  Yah not very L&L of me... its not always easy to be a consultant parent.. the drill sargent comes much more naturally for me.  HOOORAHH!!

Nanny 911

So, we have switched from having a daycare provider at a daycare center to the children being at home with a "Nanny" for lack of a better term.  They seem happier (the children that is) and it makes my morning less stressful, so that makes me happier.

Our Nanny doesn't live with us, she arrives in the morning while I am getting ready and gets the children breakfast.  They are usually sitting at the table happy as can be when I leave.  I get kisses from them and off I go.

At daycare there would be days I would be LUCKY to even get a wave goodbye, never mind a kiss!  There were fits and tantrums getting dressed in the morning, there were fits depending on which daycare teacher was in the classroom at drop off.

The only thing that hasn't changed, is super excited children when I walk in the door from work... "MOMMY MOMMY!! You look pretty Mommy!!" or "Up, Up!! Up Peace"  How can resist?  I scoop up "A"arron and get a nice big hug and wet kiss!  Even our Furbabies are happy.. they get the privelage of not being a crate for 9 hours a day!

Do any of you have a Nanny or in home caregiver?  What are your likes and dislikes? AND.. what do you do about taxes?

Bedtime Routine

So with the girls I have this nifty little bedtime routine.. it's wonderful!  They easily go to bed, there aren't any tears or crying about monsters either!  We of course have our initial escape attempt but they are well aware that this "I need to go potty" excuse doesn't equate to another bedtime routine.  So, here is my gloriously simple and giggly routine:

Bedtime Story:  We select a different story each night and sit on one of the girls beds to read it (swapping beds each night).  They always ask for a second story, but the rule is only one story per bedtime.

Tucked into Bed:  I tuck them in as TIGHT (littlerally warpping the blankets underneath them) as I can and say "Snug as (blanket is tucked under the back) a Bug in (blanket is tucked under their bum) a Rug (blanket is tucked under their legs/feet)" [insert mimicking and giggling here]

Bedtime Prayer:  I clasp their hands together, covering them with mine, and say the prayer (they repeat each line after I say it) -

"Now I lay me down to sleep" ...
       "Now I way me down to tweep"

"I prayer the lord my soul to keep" ...
       "Pway da Lowd my toul keep"

"God Bless Mommy, Daddy" ...
       "God Bwess Mommy, Daddy"

"Sissy, Aarron, P. and M." ...
                                                                          "Tissy, Awwon, P. and Miss M!!!!" [giggles]

                                                               "Cheyenne and Dakota (our dogs)" ...
                                                                     "Teyann and Tota!" [giggles]

                                                               "Please let me a have a good day at school tomorrow" ..
                                                                     "Pwease wet me have dood day at twool tommorrow"

                                                               "And please make me have sweet dreams" ...
                                                                     "Pwease mait me have tweet dweams"
                                                              "Amen" ...
                                                                     "Amen!!"



Lullaby: We sing a lullaby of their choosing, sometimes its a made up version of Braham's Lullaby but lately its been "Twinkle Twinkle" (surprisingly they had never heard it before) -- and Yes, I know this isn't the full version.. but seriously how many of us actually remember the whole thing anyway?

Twinkle, twinkle, little star

How I wonder what you are.

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky

Twinkle, twinkle, little star

How I wonder what you are!

Then I they get a kiss and hug goodnight (mind you all of this is done in doubles -- the tuck in, the prayer, and the lullaby.. they each get their own shut the lights off (there is a night light and I leave the bathroom light on for them).. and then I walk out the door.  As I said at the beginning.. we have an escape attempt for the potty, but they know that, that doesn't equate to another bedtime routine.  Last night I heard "Bella" tucking herself in afterwards.. "Snud as a Bud in a Wud"


P.S. It's our Big Girl's Birthday Today!! Congrats on being 5!!

Whirlwind

Yes, our lives have RAPIDLY changed but not as drastically as you would think.  Our "typical" (aka prior to our foster children) weekends consisted of going out to dinner, homework, errands, chores and maybe even a fire with some vino (or beer or some other tasty beverage) on the patio.  This past weekend really wasn't that much different... except we had 3 kids in tow.

Friday afternoon I picked up the girls from the agency and "Cindy" nearly knocked me over when she ran towards me to give me a hug.  They both asked, over and over again, how long they were staying with us, if it was for One Day, Two Days, Free Days, the Whole Week or Forever.  I told them that would stay the WHOLE WEEK and then the next week, and the next week.  I really don't know how to explain that it will be until at least December (when their permanancy hearing is), because I think that in their minds that would Forever. 

Friday night we had dinner (which the girls ate fairly well -- BBQ Chicken, Stuffing, and Sugar Snap Peas) and then we let them roast marshmellows... they were absolutely excited about the prospect of going outside in their pajamas and then "helping" P. roast the marshmellows.  They each had one GIANT marshmellow and then washed up for bedtime.

Saturday we spent the day at the outlets to get some new clothes/shoes for the girls (they came with shoes that were too small! and some clothes that have been now designated as "play clothes").  Then we went to dinner at Joe's Crab Shack... mmmmm seafood (even if it is frozen, its still yummy).  They behaved pretty well, I think they were overly excited to be at a restaurant other than McD's.  After we hit the grocery store.. at this point I think "Bella" had had enough of the shopping day, and just couldn't keep her hands to herself.  We even attempted to bribe good behavior by showing them a toy they could "earn" if they behaved.  Hahahaa!! Yah they SOO did not end up with toys!  Then we got home, had bathtime and then bedtime.

Sunday was an AMAZING day!  "Bella" was absolutely wonderful at church.. she used her "quiet voice" and sat still (on my lap).  Afterwards we let them sit down and have apple juice and talk to the other children for their good behavoir, while we talked to the adults.  We then met up with a friend, M., and her children at the playground for a picnic and some fun.  The girls LOVED it!!  I swear "Bella" would have let P. push her on the swings the entire time!  While "Cindy" played with M.'s 6 year son and road the big wheel (she's a bit small for it still, but she figured out how to reach the pedals all on her own).  Then it was time to go home and play in the sprinkler (it was over 90 that day! whhhewww) and afterward was dinner (grilled chicken and salad -- yah so not a fan of this one, but they ate half of it with the dressing on it), Sunday night movie (Underdog.. its actually pretty good if you haven't seen it), and bedtime.

Monday (this post sure is turning into something longer than intended) was the first day of daycare school.  The girls both did really well, so I am told.  They were even excited to go today (well, "Bella" is excited until she sees me leave.. then the pouting starts, but I am sure 10 minutes later she is happy as clam).

funny tails

I am going to start a new series as part of the blog, entitled "funny tails".  I am realizing that I will always have a some random/funny story about my time with the girls (they are at that age, when you never know what will happen).

For the children's and their bio family's privacy I am still continuing with the "name them based on their placement # -- like the hurricanes".   Therefore, the 2 year old will be known as (here on the interwebz)  Little Girl "B"ella and the 4 year old will be referred to as (again here on the interwebz) Big Girl "C"indy (she LOVES Cinderella).

funny tails

Saturday afternoon I had the girls take a "nap", I told them that they didn't have to sleep they just needed to rest and have "quiet time".  I was then told that their current home doesn't make them take naps (this actually came up alot during their visit.. "we don't got to" or "we tan have tautlate (chocolate)"). 

We had new carpet installed that day, so the family room was a disaster and the furniture needed to go back into place.  The girls did stay in bed for an hour, which gave us an opportunity to put the family room back together.  Upon completion I heard some noise from their bedroom... I ventured up the stairs only to find that "B"ella had an accident.. I really accident .. she pooped her pants (soo gross) and "C"indy kept say "dat's nasty!".  Poor thing was visible upset by the accident. :(  I told her that she needed to help me clean up the mess and that we would wash her underwear and shorts in the toilet (cloth diaper style).  She gladly obliged and we managed to get them clean (although she did get a bit upset she didn't see her underwear because they were covered by the suds and she thought they got flushed down the toilet).  I then got her cleaned up and changed into a new outfit and we ran an errand with P. and Baby Boy "A"arron.

Later that evening when it was bedtime and Little Girl "B"ella had to go potty (which she is capable of doing on her own, except washing her hands -- she can't reach the sink, we'll need to get her a step stool for that).  I finished helping "C"indy get ready for bed and out pops "B"ella handing me SOPPING WET shorts!  I mean they were drenched!!  I asked her what happened if she had an accident and she said "just a wittle".  So I checked her undies and they were dry.. Obviously I was perplexed... I walked into the bathroom and there was water on the floor.  I asked her if she had washed her shorts in the potty and she said "yah, they got a wittle pee on them".  Then I had to explain that washing stuff in the potty was only for when there was poopy in them.  But at least she wanted to do the right thing and has the potential to learn new behaviors.  She can't possible be as bad as what I was told after that "Funny Tail".

Circus

This past weekend was a full on

CIRCUS....

We welcomed Baby "A"'s older sisters Little Girl "B" (2 years old) and Big Girl "C" (4 years old) (remember the children are being named like the storms... the first placement is A, second is B, and so on.... these are not their real names), for a visit with their baby brother. 

Prior to the visit we had the PPC (Permanancy Placement Conference) with the girl's father, paternal grandmother, foster sisters and foster mother.  The point of the conference was to discuss the girls' behavior and how to best meet their needs.  Many things were discussed, mostly about Little Girl "B"'s behavior and how AWFUL it was -- temper tantrums, cussing, yelling, hitting, kicking (what sounded to me and the case worker like typical 2 year old behaviors -- aka boundary testing).

The weekend was crazy (I will blog later about specific instances), busy, tiring, and fun.  The girls showed improvement in their manners from Friday to Sunday.  P. and I sat down Sunday evening and evaluated the weekend....  based on that discussion, we have decided that we have the abilities, the support, and the love to be able to give the girls and the baby a stable home, until reuinification with their biological family is possible.

This Friday I will pick up the girls to take them to our home.  Wish us Luck!!

*prolonging*

Conclusion of 13 Weeks.... The heartbeat MP3, worked like a charm.  He calmly went back to sleep in his crib after his middle of the night feeding/diaper change. YIPPEE!!  I played it on a loop so that he heard it all night long and as a result cuddling was a non-issue.

So on Tuesday night, I had the brilliant idea to play Lullaby by Jewel for him, on a loop.. her voice is soothing so I thought maybe it wasn't necessarily the heartbeat that kept him calm and relaxed, but the "presence" of another person.  BAD IDEA!!  As if I hadn't learned before, don't fix what isn't broken!! He slept awfully!!  Which meant that I slept awfully!!

Moving onto last night.. Wednesday night, I returned to the Heartbeat MP3 on a loop.. and AHHHHH!!! He slept through the night... he woke up twice but went to back sleep on his own.  Well, the first time I changed his diaper and during the process he fell back asleept.  The second wake up, he just kinda whined for bit, sucked on his fingers and soothed himself back to sleep until.. WAIT FOR IT...

YUP... THAT'S RIGHT!!! 

7:00 AM!!

On another note.. our Respite Placement has become a Semi-Permanent Placement.  Baby "A"arron will be with us until reunification with his siblings can occur.  There will be a PPC (Permancy Placement Conference) to discuss the living arrangements for the children in the near future.

School House RockS

Countdown: Full Day 7 of a 14 day Respite Placement

So the School House ROCKS (aka Day Care).. I told you all that I know he is LOVING it there!!  I dropped off Aarron at day care this morning and was pleasantly informed that yesterday he.... rolled over.. from front to bak.. and from back to front (not at the same time).  Apparently he was doing some tummy time and just pushed himself right over onto his back.. and was schocked by the movement!!  I know that he gets close to rolling from back to front (he does this rocking motion to calm himself down), but hadn't actually seen him roll over.  Oh well, I missed that first, but it still nice to know he can do it!  He's just checking them off as each day passes!!

As for the length of this placement it seems like it might a little longer than the original estimate of two weeks (happy dance for me!!).  I have scheduled a well baby visit for him on Tuesday and he also has a hearing appointment at Children's Hospital next week.  I don't think there is a problem with his hearing, because the dogs barking wake him up during his naps (unless he is totally passed out!).

I We are really enjoying having him around.  He is really such an easy going little guy. 

May Showers bring June Placements

On Sunday we had our "Licensing Shower" (special thanks to K. & L. for putting it together)!  So, I have to say that my our family and friends are amazing...  We didn't end up with anything that isn't needed or specifically for babies (partly because of the vast age range I really researched products that were good quality, safety and work for newborns and toddlers.  We also got quite a few gift cards, which will help emmensely when we do get our first placement, considering we have no idea what age or how many (well, we know it won't be more than two) children we'll be placed with. 

During the shower we took the time to answer any questions about the foster care process and what our intentions are.  Surprisingly, no one asked any questions about fertility issues.  I half anticipated the "personal questions" to come up, but they didn't.  And I have to admit I was relieved.  The shower really was focused on the future, the foster care, the love we have in our hearts and our home, and not the past.  Again, I have to be thankful for our friends and family who have enough compassion and understanding to know that although foster care isn't permanent, it is a wonderful option and the best option for us.

We have two small hurdles left... Paul has to get a TB test and for some reason Pennsylvania is causing issues with our background check - supposedly we have to fill out an additional form. First of all their initial form was 2 pages long and required us to list every known address that we lived at from 1975 on, as well as list any members of those households. Okay, 1975 our E.N.T.I.R.E. lives and I was half tempted to list the address of our parents from 1975 through 1979 --> because we didn't exist! Anyway, I should get the next form in the mail today and we'll have to get that filled out and sent back. I am setting up P's TB Test for Tuesday. And then it's just a waiting game.

By the way.. I am super excited.  I don't think I'll be nervous until we get our first phone call!