Reflecting....

There are days when I remember what it was like to be naive about conception and the female body.. I miss those days.

I miss not knowing that there was only a 20% chance to conceive each cycle.

I miss not knowing that a woman's body produces different types of cervical mucus and some those are hostile to sperm.

I miss not knowing that the cervix changes position and texture depending on what phase of the menstrual cycle a woman is in.

I miss not knowing that the different types of hormones that flow through a woman's body and what those hormones do.

I miss not knowing that progesterone is the source of so many "pregnancy like" symptoms.

I miss not knowing what cycle day I am on.

I miss the utter shock of realizing that I can't remember when my last period was... and not knowing if I am late.

I miss the days when being intimate was about being intimate and not about making a baby because "its that time".

All in all, although I miss that stuff... I have to say I am happy I've gone through it. I think that the struggle of infertility, the obessesion over pregnancy, and the what seemed like never ending doctor's appointments really have brought my husband and I closer. We've shared in some of the most hopeful moments and some of the most heartbreaking moments through this process. All in all we've found strength in one another.. and a continued trust that no matter what we will always have each other.

I am honestly and completely in love with that man.. sometimes so much that it hurts.