Why is that when people put their foot in their mouth, their immediate response is "No Offense"? Is it because they know that what they said or are about to say will offend someone? Probably.. because I know that I am bound to offend someone with today's blog. But maybe I need to, because I am offended by their comments, and typically shrug it off by saying "They don't know any better" instead of explaining to them that they are being a bit insensitive instead of supportive.
Telling me that "maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones who gets pregnant after you adopt" is not supportive. Asking me "why have you stopped fertility treatments, if there isn't really anything wrong with you or P" or "why don't you use a surrogate" is not supportive. Telling me "you know you'll get pregnant now, it always happens that way" is not supportive.
All of those things are basically telling me that an adopted child is second best to a biological child. I know that, that isn't what anyone means, but that is what you are saying. A child who is adopted is a wonderful, amazing gift. That child will be mine because I love them.. unconditionally. I want to share my home and life with a child. I want to be a mommy and I don't need to give birth to experience the joy of holding a my newborn in my arms.
What I do need, is understanding and compassion. Yes, the decision to stop fertility treatments was hard. But P and I have grieved the loss of a biological child and are happier than ever to start our family through adoption. We just want to be parents and share our lives and home with a child.