Friday, April 30, 2010

what IF

what IF?  What if?

What if... I am always defence.ive about the topic of our inferility?

I am very happy and positive about our decision to stop fertility treatments and our progress towards creating a family through love, rather than genetics.  But no matter how sure I am that we are heading down the RIGHT path (for us) I also find that when a question is asked about the possiblity of a pregnancy or why we stopped our treatments (after 3 natural IUI cycles, 2 medicated IUI cycles, a fresh IVF cycle - with 3 perfect embryos transferred, and a frozen IVF cycle - with the last remaining, also perfect, embryo transferred) that I become defensive and aggitated. 

I don't enjoy this attitude, but I find that the questions asked are personal ones, the reasons are reasons that my husband and I agreed on... yes, after multiple discussions and going back and forth on the topic.  We have elected to pursue parenthood through Foster Care, and eventually pursue a family via Adoption through the Foster Care system.

I feel that if I don't answer the questions, about our fertility treatments the topic won't go away.  But at the same time, when I tell someone we are becoming foster parents, I want to share the joy with them.. the joy I feel knowing that we are doing what is best for us, and what is best for a child.  I don't want to have to answer personal questions about our treatments, or if we used protection, or what exactly is "wrong".  What if I am alwasy aggrevated, annoyed or angry after and/or during these conversations?

On an optomistic side...

What if.... people are educated about IF and understand it truly is a disease, not a choice? 

Through, education I believe the IF'ers of the world will find peace, and I know with the help of orginizations like Resolve, this will become our future.  I will no longer need to feel tense, when at a family function and being asked "When is it your turn to have a baby?", because they will understand when I say "We are pursuing our family through Foster Care."  I won't hear the dreaded personal questions or the @$$vice about what position will work, because it worked for their friend's cousin's sister in-law. 

What if... NIAW and Project IF create an understanding of infertlity?  What if... the government classifies it as a disease and requires insurance companies to cover FT's?  What if... people accept infertility as a disease not a choice?  What if... people are happy for us and share our joy in our decision on how we will become parents and grow our family? 

This post is part of the WHAT IF project, part of National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24th–May 1st).  Read more about how infertility affects the lives of women on this blog. For more information on infertility, go to the RESOLVE website. For information on National Infertility Awareness Week.


  1. Great point. This is one of my life's goals- education of IF

  2. a truly powerful post!!!!
    what if about our disease, and a cure, a help for it, more TV coverage, and less taboo..yep we need it all. Real women and men, talking about how they want to grow their families, in the best way possible for THEM.

    I wish you the best of luck with your foster care plans, what a beautiful way to begin your family. A selfless and amazing way.

    Thanks for sharing (I'm here through the What If Project)

  3. VERY well said. Thanks for writing this. I love your last paragraph.

  4. Agreed. Infertility is not a choice is is a disease, a condition, that is not chosen. Just like any other medical condition in a sense. I believe that insurance companies could realistically put limits on it, because it can get astronomical at times, but sometimes most couples just need a little assistance. I have a cousin whose wife went through two IUI cycles and conceived. If only just to cover one or two efforts would be beneficial.

    I know, I would love to see them cover it 100% for however long it takes to have a baby, but that is simply not realistic. Even heart or cancer patients have coverage limits.



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