Friday, January 14, 2011

Foster Care and Emotions... Part Deux

Well, as you can see prior to the child moving in with Scotty & Kevin, she stole Scotty's wallet. During PRIDE Training you are taught that children will "steal" for a variety of reasons, and your task is to get to the root of the problem.

So with Olivia, she could've: 1) wanted something of theirs to keep so that she was close to them when they weren't around; 2)wanted to sabotage the relationship; 3) was testing the relationship; 4) has a problem with stealing.

No matter what the reasoning is, the reaction should always be "we are here to protect you and keep you safe, we still love you, we still want you." The underlying issue is usually a need to feel safe, protected and loved.. UNCONDITIONALLY!

My reaction would be 1) discuss the situation 2) give a consequence and 3) remind them they are safe and loved. (Trust me it's easier said than done!)

But we deal with this stuff daily from "B"ella.. granted she is only 3, but she has some difficult situations that result in hour long discussions about her feelings. My friend over at QuackenBaby, suggested an Emotions chart, to help "B"ella verbalize her feelings.. and it is working well.

She scribbled on my checkbook last week (destroying 4 checks in the process). She was told that what she did was wrong (not bad, wrong) and

that because she destroyed something of mine, I could take something of hers (we had had McD's that night.. so the new "toy" was the object). Anyway, I then gave her one of the checks that she scribbled on (I wrote "VOID" on it) and told her that she could keep it and that she needed to go look at her poster and I would be up in a minute. After about 20 - 30 minutes of her and I sitting there going through the pictures (she points at picture that "shows" her feelings) we talk about why she feels that way. She initially pointed at the "Jealous" picture, probably because "C"indy is the one who showed me the checkbook, and then the "Guilty" picture and then the "Sorry" picture. Upon pointing at the Sorry picture she said "I needa polgize to Daddy for tul-law-rin on uvfer people's stuff". She came downstairs and said "I sawree not listenin" and we went back upstairs and looked at the check and poster again for another 20 minutes.. she then came down and apologized for "Tul-law-rin on uvfer people's stuff and not a tul-law-rin bookt". It's a process and it does take time from the other children, but there are two of us.. THANKFULLY!

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