Why haven't you...

I've been getting this question a lot lately: "Why haven't you considered a surrogate?" And the answer isn't 100% clear. It's not that we haven't considered it.. because we have.

I think that for us... the ultimate dream is parenthood (no matter how we arrive at it). Once I was diagnosed with the stenosis and we started fertility treatments, we knew that at some point a decision would have to be made as to how far down the road to have a biological child we would travel. Initially, I wouldn't go through a cycle that included injections... but we were fortunate enough to have it covered by insurance... and then I didn't want to undergo an IVF cycle and was completely uncomfortable with ICSI (they take a single sprem and inject it into an egg with a needle)... but again it was covered by insurance... and my husband said that we had to complete the journey. so we did... never once did I get even a false positive or a chemical pregnancy. Deep down we both knew that a biological child is not in god's plan for us.

We are fortunate to have a number of female friends who have offered to be our surrogate, but again that would require an IVF cycle without the transfer... the meds are horrible. I hated them.. you get every symptom of early pregnancy without being pregnant... nausea, mood swings, sore boobs, sore nipples.. and one wonderful side effect that is not part of pregnancy.. a bruised, swollen abdomen (because of the injections and the over stimulation in order to have the RE harvest as many viable eggs as possible). I can't do it again.

I just want to be a mom.. and P. just wants to be a dad... it doesnt matter if the child is related to us by blood.. because they will be ours by love.