P.R.I.D.E. Training - Round #1

Round #1 was a draw... although no punches were thrown, everyone was exhausted. The "P.R.I.D.E." Training was somewhat informative. Personally, I think the session could’ve been shorter if people had to write down their questions and wait until lunch or afterwards to ask them. Some of the questions were a bit “off the wall”, mainly because a few people are doing relative foster care and some others are strictly adopting through the system. We watched a few movies, discussed discipline and the “Do’s and Don’ts” of dealing with children in Foster Care.

The movies were filmed in the late 90’s so the outfits were pretty hilarious! Other than that they actually depicted some of the children’s possible behavior pretty accurately. In one movie (that related to discipline and compassion) they showed four scenarios:

1. Teenage boy excels at a sport, but acts out in school. How do you discipline him?
   - You want to encourage the activity because it is both an outlet & a method for building self-esteem, so you ground the child from all other activities but the sport.
2. Young girl is “collecting” things from family members. How do you discipline her?
   - You tell the child that people truly cherish certain items and you can also give the child an item of their own to cherish. Supposedly this will help the child to feel as though they are a part of the family and will discourage the “hoarding” of others items.
3. A young boy is aggressive with his siblings or other children in the home and is physically violent with them. How do you discipline him?
   - You remind the child that this a safe home, which includes keeping the younger children safe from them and redirect the child’s anger through another outlet.
4. A teenage girl is wetting the bed, possibly due to a history of physical or sexual abuse, but it could also be a medical condition. How do you discipline her?
   - You remind the child that she is safe in your home and that no one will hurt her. You have her clean up the bed and herself. You must encourage trust and cleanliness. This can also be done by providing clean clothes and even a lock on the door.

I think that the majority of the ways to handle the situations are correct, I don't know though. But I also think that the breakthroughs are going to take a lot longer than what was depicted in the movies. I wished there was a timelapse ... 30 days later and the little girl gives back all of the items she "collected". You know.. how SuperNanny does with the crazy time-outs.. the kid is supposed to sit there for 3 minutes but it takes 6 hours to actually get them to stay there that long.

They also discussed the allowed discipline methods and one confused me. You're obviously not permitted to put the child in isolation, thus depriving them of family time, which in a sense is what they want. A cooling off period is permitted, but keeping them in their room basically quarantined is not. But, the kids are allowed to be placed facing the color for their time-out and cannot fidget or move during that time period... if they do, the clock starts over. So they could be in that corner for 6 hours... how is that different from isolation? I know that be because they can hear what is going on.. they aren't "technically" isolated. But I can't do it. I can't make a child face the wall for a time-out. I am going to install a Time-Out Chair... and get this nifty Learning Resources Time Tracker. I've seen it on either Nanny911 or SuperNanny.. and its a nice visual for the youngster to see that their time-out is over. Oh and for those you that aren't "in the know".. the rule of thumb is 1 minute per year... so a three year old would receive a 3 minute time out and a 7 year old would get a 7 minute time out.. and so on, but have fun trying a 15 minute time-out with a fifteen year old. The proverbial "THEY" reccomend that 2 years old is a good time to start the time-out discipline routine.

I could go on and on about the other stuff we learned:

• No cutting or changing the texture of the child's hair without written consent from the biological parents (I am still sorta confused about the texture thing)
• No taking the child across state lines without written consent from the biological parents
• No getting the ear's peirced or tattoos without written consent of the biological parents (not really sure I'd ever let a child get a tattoo)
• You must take the child to the church or the parents choice -- if they have a religion, if not then your's is fine
• You must respect the child's wardrobe and belongings but you don't have to condone it (i.e. attire that fits into the gothic, emo, or hip-hip categories)
• See the list could go on and on...

I was also taken a back by some of the people attending the training... I am pretty sure that some were in it for the money. Even though its not a lot of money, I am sure the small (non-taxable) amount you do receive will help them greatly. But personally, that is the wrong reason to be doing this. And I am also shocked by the people just wanting to adopt. I don't think they realize that these children are told that the family they are meeting is thinking about adopting them. And what if personalities clash.. then this child was told they had a "Forever Home" but the family changed their mind. How horrible could that be for a child's self image? Maybe, this "Round" will have opened some people's eyes and the money won't be enough or the heartbreak of a child will prove too much and they attempt foster care.