Thursday, April 7, 2011

Similar to a Divorce?

So is foster parenting like a divorce?  I would say in some ways yes.. and it is even similar to remarriage (for the children).  They now of two sets of parents..and two sets of rules.  Goodness how confusing is that for them?  Nevermind, how confusing it is for us.

In the beginning we were known as Ms. M and Mr. P... then it changed to Mommy M and Daddy P.. and then another change Mommy & Daddy.  It took a long time for Big Girl "C"indy to come to terms with "loving" two mommies and two daddies (even though she decided to call us that).  We did a lot of talking and listening.  I told her that she could call us whatever she wanted.. Mr. & Ms., Auntie & Uncle, Mom & Dad... she chose that latter (mind you this was during a time period when the children didn't have visitation with family members).  We talked to the therapist about it, and she assured it was normal and okay.. the children need to identify someone as that role.  Phewww..

Well visits resumed and obviously the family was shocked by Big Girl's decision to call us Mommy & Daddy (honestly how would you feel if your preschooler or toddler called another person that?  heartbroken I am sure).  Big Girl told me that she was questioned about it.. and I asked her what she said, she just shrugged her shoulders.. then I reminded her "Who makes the rules about what you call us?" she smiled and replied "I DO!" pointing at herself with her thumb.  And I then said "So you can call us whatever you want, remember.. Mommy, Auntie or Ms."  she smiled again "Okay Mommy."

Now, Little Girl "B"ella.. was all about Mommy and Daddy from Day 1.  Fine we thought.. she is only 2.  One morning at a recent visit, she was sitting with her Mom and she looks at me and says "I have two mommies!" all proud of herself.  All I could think was.. wow she must feel soo special and loved.  I have never told her she was special because she has two sets of parents.. just that it was okay to love more than one person.. that there is always room for more people to love.  What a self-confidient Little Girl.

Now, if only there was a book out there to help these children through this... to help parents understand their children's need for someone to fill that role... to give you the words to tell the child that it's okay to LOVE.. and they will always have more LOVE to give.


  1. You are such a good parent. From what I can see from your posts you are doing everything right. Keep up the good work.

  2. I remember you from the TTC board. I just checked out your blog and it just filled my heart with happiness!




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