This is an older blog post, but it was shared recently by a friend and hit home (and admittedly, stung a bit too):  How to Miss a Childhood by HandsFreeMama.

What do I want my children to have as memories?  Of course some of the same things I remember... Weren't we all Wonder Woman or SuperMan at some point?  Jumping off buildings (swing sets) in a single bound?  -- okay sorry Mom and Dad, but we did jump off the barn roof too, among other things that will not be admitted to you or my children.

I just don't know where to find the time...  With 5 kids and working full time, our schedules are jam packed. And this is without extra activities, like soccer or girl scouts.  I am reluctant to even add those to my schedule.  But I am missing out on their childhood... and so are they.  I have even taken to pacifying and bribing them with video game play (the current favorite is Smurfs Dance Party for Wii), just to get other things done.

Here is a list of some favorite memories from my childhood:

• roaming free 
• building forts
• blanket forts
• playing board games
• learning how to shuffle a deck of cards
• getting my nails done (by my mom -- which first involved soaking them in warm water and soap)
• riding my bike
• a sick day of Sonic video game play (my brother and I beat it -- I can't even tell you what we were sick from)
• Disney Movie night (on TV)

What I am afraid my children will remember:

• me being on my cell phone
• me placating them with video games
• being sent outside to play on the swing set so I could clean the house

Although, reading my list of memories.. I am *now* sure that some of those items were my parents shooing us away to get things done.

So how do I accomplish "Not missing out on Childhood" from their end and mine?  

I don't get home from work till about 6pm or 6:30pm...  I make dinner.. we eat dinner.. and then its off to bed at 8:30pm.  Not much time in there.  In the morning its getting everyone ready, making lunches, and then out the door and off to daycare/school/work.

Just Hurdling...

Even though I find blogging/writing/journaling therapeutic... sometimes I just don't have the time to get it all out and share the nonsense in my head.

In March we took two new placements (again for privacy purposes their names will be changed):  "D"ylan (boy) and "E"mma (girl).  At the time, they were placed with us "D" was 8 weeks old and he slept through the night (he still sleeps through the night) and "E" was 2 1/2 years old.  "D" is a pretty cheery little guy.. although he does turn into a gremlin if he is overtired.  And "E" was quite shy in the beginning... she wouldn't talk to adults and barely spoke.  We initially thought she had some sort of developmental or cognitive delay, but she has come around... first speaking with the other children and then forming trust with the adults in her life and having full on conversations with us.  They are an interesting addition to the home and family unit, but they are foster children... we have no plans on pursuing adoption should they be unable to be reunified.  We know that this is best for them and our family and that there is an amazing set of people out there who would be blessed to have them should they be unable to be reunited with biological family.

And, happily our family is complete!! The missing puzzle piece has been found and we are overjoyed that "C"indy and "B"ella are our daughters! We had a small ceremony at church, in which we said a prayer with our congregation and some of our family was able to attend (not living in the same state as our families can be a drag for moments like this).  The girls started the school year with their new names and were soo excited!!


We've had some behavioral issues with "B"ella post adoption and my anxiety has shot through the roof!  But we are working through things, her therapy sessions have increased and so has my listening to Love & Logic CD's during my commute.  We have discussed medication, but really feel that isn't a great choice, given her past and possible predisposition to addiction.  We'd like to utilize Occupational/Behavioral Therapy instead of medication... she is only 5 years old and with her trauma history is emotionally a 3 year old (maybe 4 year old).. so her behaviors are on target for her emotional age.  Sometimes meeting her where she is emotionally is easier said then done... again that is where L&L is my saving grace... along with giving myself a time-out.

Right now she said she enjoys writing sentences as a consequence.. I believe it gives her time to process right from wrong.  She writes 5 sentences.. usually it is "I will sit on the carpet at circle time." and she says the sentence as she writes.  The next day she has a great day at school.. there are some mornings that she just wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. And its like dealing with Oscar the Grouch.  She'll do everything in her power to annoy every person in our home.. typically the other children.  And once she is put in a time out for that... she is on the wrong foot for the rest of the day.  Tuesday it was turning off and on the kitchen lights while I was getting ready.. I hear "A"arron screaming at her "DOP IT!! I TANT SEE!! DOP ITT!!!!" and "E"mma "Peas Stop!!" and even "C"indy "They are asking you nicely!"  Finally, I call down.. "That's it, turn the lights back on and sit on the step until we are ready to leave!"  Yah not very L&L of me... its not always easy to be a consultant parent.. the drill sargent comes much more naturally for me.  HOOORAHH!!

A DIY Chore Chart & Giveaway!

So I am not the DIY Crafty kind.. I try, but really it isn't me.

I am in love with Pinterest, but seriously I have no clue when I am supposed to have time enough to ever actually create any of the stuff I love on there!

But the hubs and I decided we needed to figure out how to give the girls an allowance.   We are in the camp that you don't get paid for chores.  Chores are expected, they are something you do because you are in a family, you live in a home.  As adults you don't get paid for chores, you just do them because they need to be done.  So, how do we accomplish giving them allowance that they can earn and teach them about the responsibility of chores?  Well, I had a great discussion with my friend D (who has a fab Etsy Shop ~ The Super Cute Boutique) and she is in the same arena my husband and I are.  Chores are Chores and you don't get paid for them (sorry to rat you out D).  But within that discussion, D and I developed a plan!  A LOOPHOLE to the no payment for chores sentiment.

The Plan:

• The children will be required to do chores/tasks based on their age range (e.g. ages 2-3 appropriate chores).
• They can do chores/tasks that are in the age range above theirs to earn money (e.g. ages 4-5 appropriate chores).
• The chore tiles go up to about 16 years old and starts at ages 2 & 3.
• Since our girls are ages 4 & 6, they will be required to do their daily/weekly chores based on ages 2-6.
• To earn money they can do chores in the 7-9 age range (e.g. vacuuming, dusting, etc.).
• We will use the white board to track their earnings and if they want to "bank" the money rather than physically keep it their banks.

The Creation of the Chore Chart:

(modified from Not So Idle Hands plans)

Here's what you need:

• A magnetic white board (my choice 11" x 14")
• Epoxy Stickers (scrabble tile size)
• Magnets (with stickers)
• 2 sheets of 4"x 6" piece of scrapbook paper

Then, I print out the names onto the paper and put the magnets on the back or you can adhere them with just a few pieces of double stick tape.

Print out your "Chore Tiles" and collect your items (the magnets, stickers, and "Chore Tiles").

 

  

Place the magnets on the back of your cut out "Chore Tiles" (you can skip the next step if you don't want to use the epoxy stickers and just print the "Chore Tiles" on a nice thick cardstock).

 

For the magnets, I used the epoxy stickers (make sure you don't touch the sticky side, you'll get fingerprints on them) and the sticker magnets. 

 

 Then CAREFULLY place the epoxy stickers to your "Chore Tiles" ... I used the magnets to hold the "Chore Tiles" so that I could place them on the super sticky epoxy stickers.

 

And here is our FINAL PRODUCT!!

This process was quite time consuming, but I luckily had the help from "C"indy.. she happily stuck the magnets on the back of the "Chore Tiles" while I dealt with my epoxy stickers.. again CAREFULLY.  Oh, and I duplicated some of the tiles because each girl needs to be responsible for the chore (e.g. brushing their hair, brushing their teeth, taking a shower); whereas some chores really can only be accomplished by one person (e.g. feed the dogs).

And because I am the coolest blogger EVER.. I am giving you the pdf version of the "Chore Tiles"!!  Yup that is right.. for a limited time you've can win you're very own DIY CHORE CHART, from your's truly!  Just Click Here!!  After that they will be available on Etsy!  

     MMMWWWAHHH!!

Help me and earn a Giveaway!!

My upcoming post will be instructions on your very own Chore Chart.. 


and if I can get 100 followers, 


I'll do a giveaway!!

Preschool Weekly Lesson #1

Weekly Theme (Start Monday, continue with the theme all week)
This week's theme is A.
The vocabulary word are ant, and, arm, apple ,ape.

Books to read aloud that support the theme:
(You can choose one book to read all week, or a new book for each day. These are just suggestions, you may find others related to the theme in your library.)
Books to read aloud:
Ten Apples up on Top! by Dr. Seuss
The Apple Pie Tree by Zoe Hall
How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World by Marjorie Priceman
Alligator Shoes by Arthur Dorros
Animals Should Definitely Not Wear Clothing by Judi Barrett

Poems that support the theme:
A Little Red Apple
A little red apple
Hung high in a tre.
I looked up at it,
And it looked down at me.
"Come down, please," I called.
And what do you suppose?
That little red apple
Dropped right on my nose!


The Apple Tree
Way up high in the apple tree,
Four little apples hung over me.
I shook the tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apples and mmmmm!
Were they good!

Way up high in the apple tree,
Three little apples hung over me.
I shook the tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apples and mmmmm!
Were they good!

Way up high in the apple tree,
Two little apples hung over me.
I shook the tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apples and mmmmm!
Were they good!

Way up high in the apple tree,
One little apple hung over me.
I shook the tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apple and mmmmm!
Was it good! Apples
Apples, apples, one, two, three,
Apples for you,
Apples for me.
Apples for big,
Apples small,
Apple trees tiny,
Apple trees tall.
Apples sour,
Apples sweet,
Apples, apples, are nice to eat.

I Like Apples Red apples,
Big apples,
Good apples,
Yummy apples,
Any kind of apples,
I like apples!

An apple on the tree,
An apple in the basket,
An apple in a fridge,
An apple in a store,
I like apples! A squiggly little worm into my apple bit.
He chomped and chomped until the core he hit.
I asked him why he did it,
And thought it sopunds absurd,
He said, "I love apples."
Now that is what I heard.

---

Apple (to the tune of BINGO)
I know a fruit that grows on trees,
An apple is its name, oh!

(Chorus)
A. P. P. L. E.
A. P. P. L. E.
A. P. P. L. E.
An apple is its name, oh!

In summer and in early fall
It's time to pick an apple!

Chorus

It amy be sweet or may be tart,
It's red, or green, or yellow!

Chorus

A McIntosh or Granny Smith,
A Winesap or Delicious!

Chorus

Make applesauce or apple juice
Or apple pie with apples!

Chorus

---

Applesauce  (to the tune of "Yankee Doodle")
Peel an apple,
cut it up,
cook it in a pot.
When you taste it
you will find
it's applesauce you've got.
Gross Motor Skills Activity: (Monday)
Let's Pretend
Have the kids stand up tall with their arms up and say "be as tall as an apple tree". Then say "be as small as an ant". Repeat this slowly and then get faster and the kids don't even know they are touching their toes!

Have the kids pretend to be an Ape, they can walk around with their arms touching the ground and making ape noises. 

Fine Motor Skills Activity: (Friday)
Addition on an abacus - If you have an abacus this could be fun. If not you can use animal crackers or some other manipulatives and teach simple addition such as 1 + 1 = 2, 2 + 1 = 3, 3 + 1 = 4, 4 + 1 = 5, 2 + 2 = 4, 2 + 3 = 5. ( If your child is ready you could add up to 10 or more)

Shape/Color (Tuesday)
This week you will teach the shape of a square.

• Collect 3 - 5 everyday objects in the shape of a square... i.e.: blocks, pot holder, CD jewel case, etc... to share with your child and discuss.
• Walk through your home looking for squares.
• Cut squares out of playdough.
• Put a drawing of a square on your learning poster.

This week you will teach the color of a red.

• Find Something Red - Have the children find something in the room that is red and have each child bring it to circle time. Have each child tell the class what they have found.
• Red Chat - Have the children name as many things they can that are red. Write down their list.
• Kool Aid Art - Sprinkle a little dry red kool aid mix onto a piece of paper. Have your child spray water from a spray bottle onto the paper. For added adventure, you may choose to take your children out into the rain with a piece of paper that has kool-aid on it.
• Red Tracks - In a pie tin, place 3 to 5 teaspoon sized portions of different shades of red tempera paint evenly spaced about the area. Supply the children with washable toy cars that have wheels that roll. Have the children dip the wheels in the paint and roll across the paper.

Letter (Wednesday)
The letter this week is the letter A.

• Give your child a printout of the (capital) letter A to color. ~Letter Printouts~
• Teach your child to trace the shape of the letter A using his finger. You can trace in pudding, finger paint, a shallow tray (cookie sheet) filled with rice or beans, etc.
• Point out the letter A in signs, cereal boxes, etc.
• Post the letter A on your learning poster.

Number (Thursday)
The number this week is the number 1.

• Show your child 1 object to count, or eat 1 cracker, 1 cheerio, etc.
• Show your child the written symbol (numeral) for 1 and put on your learning poster.
• Add 1 sticker to your counting book.
• Show your matching index cards for the number 1 to your child.
• Draw 1 square on a piece of paper and count it with your child.
• Walk around your home counting 1 of many different objects.

Song / Nursery Rhyme / Fable (Friday)
The song this week is The Ants Go Marching. Recite often!

The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The ants go marching one by one,
The little one stops to suck his thumb
And they all go marching down to the ground
To get out of the rain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The  fable this week is The Ant and the Dove. Recite often!

A Dove saw an Ant fall into a brook. The Ant struggled in vain to reach the bank, and in pity, the Dove dropped a blade of straw close beside it. Clinging to the straw like a shipwrecked sailor to a broken spar, the Ant floated safely to shore.

Soon after, the Ant saw a man getting ready to kill the Dove with a stone. But just as he cast the stone, the Ant stung him in the heel, so that the pain made him miss his aim, and the startled Dove flew to safety in a distant wood.
A kindness is never wasted.
 

For this Week's Lesson in PDF Format - Click Here!

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How to Teach your Preschooler at Home

It sounds like I know what I am talking about.. but I don't I am learning and not really teaching, because we have a childcare provider who will be doing that.

But I wanted to help her teach the children, so I ordered some workbooks and "The Busy Preschooler Book" its full of crafting/science/art projects.

And I am going to start a section on this blog, for all my readers to share, that I'll update weekly with a lesson plan and weekly theme.  And as always if you have any suggestions and/or comments PLEASE share them!!

Here's a hint to the upcoming week's Lesson: A & 1 (yup we are going to in order!).

Reader Question: What's Harder Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments OR Foster Care? (Part I)

Reader Question: 

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

OR

Foster Care?

Well, that is a tough one to answer.

So let me open this up to my Readers... What are your thoughts, questions, answers?  And then I will share mine.

Are you Inspired...

No this isn't one of THOSE POSTS.. or even one of THESE POSTS you know the kind.. when I try and drag you aboard your crazy train.. the "All Aboard to Foster Care Central" types of posts.  It's actually about inspiration and maybe even a little bit of jealousy (oh.. its such an evil word.. but honestly I think it can be a BIG MOTIVATOR!

Take for instance.. redecorating. I was inspired by a fellow foster mom [well shall refer to her as G], who posted pics of her room for her soon to be foster children. G’s children’s room was AMAZING.. colorful hand painted dressers.. just COLOR everywhere. I was reminded of “C”indy’s and “B”ella’s room.. it has color, blue, gray and green (we bought a model home, remember… so this room was the “Boy’s Room” it has geometric shapes on the walls.. interesting for a kids room.. for a boy’s room.. but we have two girlie girls.. where’s the pink?!?!).. I was JEALOUS (icky), but MOTIVATED!

I bought new comforters (full size bed in a bag sets for $25.. SCORE!)… a hanging hammock for their stuffed animals… and wall decals (awesomesauce! They stick to the wall, but don’t take the paint off, easy for redecorating)! I also painted their dresser with some leftover paint.  I really want to get them bunk beds, but we decided that could wait a while longer. So here is the after picture…

Are you inspired? Or even a little jealous?

Remember my Veggie-torture-Tale?

If not, here is this post...  Toddlers and Food [bangs head]

oh and this one... Laying it all out on the table

On a positive note we have gotten past the salad woes with both girls, heck even "A"arron will eat it!  And during the summer salad is a STAPLE in our house.  Its way too hot to cook, so once a week we have salad.  I've even added sunflower seeds to it and the girls love that.. although have a tendency to pick out certain things to eat first (not the typical way to eat a salad, but whatever works).

Although, a few weeks ago I made strawberry salad.  I love strawberry salad.  But, yah this was soo not a hit with "C"indy.  She refused to even try it.. seriously?!?  Salad with strawberries in it.. strawberries?!? She LOVES, ADORES, GOBBLES DOWN strawberries.. but wouldn't touch the salad. 

On the other hand my little "B"ella.. the one who can become unable to use her limbs when uninterested in a task or meal.. ate it faster than I have ever seen her eat a salad (oh.. well that might be because I give her a spoon and a fork for all of her meals now.. I figure if one is too hard to use, she has the other.. and its working well).  Sometimes the fork is just too hard for her to use, still (yes, she will be 4 in a short period of time.. but foster children are different.. sometimes they have delays, most often it is in the emotional/social skill are, but they can have delays in their motor skills too.  basically even though they are 4, they could be emotionally 2.. its hard to remember when you are staring at a 4 year old.. that she is stuck as a 2 year old -- but this a topic for another post).

So now onto sumthing new with veggies.. "B"ella REFUSES to eat broccoli.. simply flat out refuses.. her entire body goes limp at the sight of it.  So I have  new recipe to try.. THE BEST BROCCOLI OF YOUR LIFE.. apparently it is soo good people have said its better than steak!  We'll see!!

An Anthem...

for "A"arron, "B"ella and "C"indy

A day in the life of a Mom...

There are some days that you just sit back and enjoy the view of the world through your child's eyes... and then there are days (like this past Saturday) when you truly attempt to view the world through your child's eyes but realize that no matter how hard you squint its still very blury.

Case in point...

Wake up, change the baby's diaper, bring the baby downstairs for breakfast, make toast for the kids, turn around to a steaming pile of dog poo on the floor.. immediately scream "WHO DID THIS?"... the excited "NOT ME" comes from the 3 year old sitting at the kitchen table... shake head trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the comment.. clean up dog poo... hear a loud cough... then hear the 5 year old crying... look up to find that she threw up on herself at the kitchen table.. clean up the 5 year old... check her temp.. no fever... must be post nasal drip... go to waterpark... notice the 3 year old is sneezing ALOT... give her baby wipe for boogars.. have her throw out the wipe... comes back and notice she has a bloody nose... ask her if she picked her nose... calmly she responds "Nope, I put paper in it"... freak out! look up her nose.. see a line of something... attempt to remove it... doesn't come out.. look again.. it looks like a (no that can't be it) STRAW!  how the heck did a plastic thing end up in her nostril.. panic... take her to lifeguard station.. remove object with tweezers... and find.....

a band aid.. a band aid!! she folded it up and put a band aid in her nose!!  come home to find that the baby has yucky butt.. yup the day started with $#!+ and ended with $#!+.

that was a day that required a relaxing evening....

Oh the Drama...

I get to wear a crown... and I am not a princess, but a queen... the Queen of Drama!  Yes being a Foster Parent brings all sorts of unexpected drama into your life, but so does being a parent.  We are lucky enough to parent 3 beautiful children, who's hearts are so big they not only have room to love their biological family but also our family and our extended family and our friends.  "C"indy is our drama queen, from a hang nail to minor fall.. she requires a band aid.  "B"ella is a handful (but what 3 year old isn't)... on a recent outing we discovered that this little one had inserted a small round band aid into her nostril -- so my suggestion to you mom's and dad's out there on the interwebs, keep a first aid kit with tweezers in it on you at all times (I did not have one in our diaper bag, but I will be getting one.. we were at a place that had tweezers so I managed to pull the bugger out).  And then there is "A"arron.. he is 14 months now and has lived with us for almost a year!! We went from an infant that was supposed to be with us for a week to a placement that has lasted longer than we ever thought and welcomed his siblings with us (by the way, he is walking now and saying a few words).

 

Enough about the kiddos, life is good with them, we love providing them a home for as long as we need to.. the dama is with the system (not them, not their case)... just the system.  In my state there have been lawsuits, threats to take over the child welfare system because of inadequacies.  There are federal laws that aren't being upheld, there are children that are stuck in the system because caseworker's are overloaded and overburdened.  The system is a mess, supposedly reform is in the works (we will be getting new computer systems to help with the workloads, because technology is the answer --- please note the sarcasm in that, don't get me wrong technology will help, but it is far from an answer).

My opinion... my humble opinion... we need more people to advocate for these kids, we need more people to welcome these children/families into their homes and hearts.  And you don't need to be a foster parent to do this, you can provide respite care for foster parents (yes you need to do the same training as foster parents to, but it is basically babysitting for foster parents) or you can become a CASA (a court appointed special advocate for children).  So what's stopping you?

Guest Blogger: Parenting a victim of sexual abuse

Introducing a fellow Foster Parent.. to discuss some of the more "uncomfortable" aspects of being a parent and her tips/tricks to get you through it:

We never intended to be foster parents. We certainly never intended to foster a severely sexually abused young girl…she was outside literally ALL of our placement criteria. Yet, as we learned, foster care is a world where many things we don’t expect happen. So it was that in mid-2010 we took a foster placement of a beautiful 3yo girl named Tara (NOT her real name) and we have learned some very sad and disturbing lessons about the affects of Sexual Abuse (SA) and the realities of helping such a child heal.Our approach from the start was to model normal family interactions and to include her in our very affectionate family as much as she was comfortable with, while being vigilant and providing redirection or instruction as needed. We did not share the nature of the abuse Tara suffered with anyone not strictly necessary; we did not want her to be stigmatized as she had been in her previous foster home. Within mere days Tara blossomed. She was starved for “normal” affection and attention and seeing her personality emerge was really a great feeling. Not everything was goodness and light, however.

While we knew Tara’s SA history, I was still taken completely by surprise the first time Tara disclosed to me. As she became more comfortable the disclosures of SA began and quickly increased in frequency; usually while getting ready for bed, rocking or bathing. I talked to Tara’s therapist as well as our local Children’s Assessment Center for advice on how to handle these disclosures in a way that preserved the integrity of the disclosure for the case while also provided Tara with the appropriate comforting responses. The guidelines that came from these discussions served me well:

• Make it Safe: Welcome your child’s statements or questions about their birth family. Provide the child with opportunities to talk about anything that comes to their minds. As hard are some things are to hear just remember: if they can’t talk it out, they will act it out.
• Be calm: Your first reaction will set the stage either inviting the child to go on, or shutting them down. Talk of sexual goings on is taboo to many of us and your instinct may be to recoil and change the subject, particularly when taken by surprise. Make every effort to suppress that instinct.
• Listen! Make eye contact, nod, try for an expression of “caring, polite interest”. I would consciously try to note key information in my head while listening so I could report the details accurately.
• Allow the child to lead the conversation and allow them to end it when they want to. Our FD would actually say “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” When she was done. Respect the child’s boundaries.
• If the child is willing to engage in dialog, ask open ended questions only: what happened then? What happened next? Where were you? Can you show me? How did that make you feel? Believe me, I know you don’t want to hear or see ANY of the answers to these questions (I have images in my head that STILL make me think “that can’t be right, can it?”) but it is important to get details if the child is willing and able to provide them. You can cry later.
• Avoid leading questions: It is important to avoid even the appearance of planting ideas or leading the child. Don’t say “Did so-and-so do that?” or even “that must have been…” If you couldn’t understand the child ask them to repeat rather than saying what you thought heard.
• After the child relays the facts, thank the child for telling you, acknowledge that it’s hard to tell secrets, remind them that secrets are bad and telling the secrets is the right thing to do, reassure them nothing that happened was their fault. Offer consolation (“I’m sorry that happened to you.”), validate the child’s feelings (“I would have been scared too.”) and, if the child is comfortable, hold and rock the child while reassuring them you still care about them.

The hardest thing for me was that our FD would tell me something her daddy (or others) had done to her and then ask “did your daddy do that to you?” This question is fraught with ‘was it just me’ and ‘was it my fault’ undertones. Always be honest and gentle. In this case I said ‘no, honey, my daddy didn’t do that. Daddy’s are not supposed to do that, it was wrong for daddy to do that.’ If faced with a hard question take a moment to compose your answers. It’s also OK to say “I don’t know”. I used “I don’t know” whenever she asked a “why did he/they…” question and then followed immediately with a validation that it was wrong, bad and not her fault.

What to do afterwards:

• IMMEDIATELY document the conversation, get down all the details while they are fresh. Report the facts and only the facts. For example:
• Communicate the disclosure to the appropriate party: Our case worker had us send the disclosure via email and she confirmed by return receipt that they were relayed to CPS (due to an on going investigation). Some agencies ask the FP to report directly to CPS.
• Let yourself feel. I found that the efforts of maintaining calmness during the disclosure needed an offsetting vent for the rage and sadness. I would talk to my husband, another foster parent, run on the treadmill or just take a bath and cry.

There are few things that are worse for any parent than dealing with a disclosure of sexual abuse. However, as we have seen in our experience with Tara, children can heal from even the most heinous abuse when given an environment in which they feel safe to process and deal with their experiences. We are thrilled to report that after 10 months in our home Tara was able to be safely reunited with her brother, who had been placed seperately, and continues to do wonderfully in their pre-adoptive placement.

Similar to a Divorce?

So is foster parenting like a divorce?  I would say in some ways yes.. and it is even similar to remarriage (for the children).  They now of two sets of parents..and two sets of rules.  Goodness how confusing is that for them?  Nevermind, how confusing it is for us.

In the beginning we were known as Ms. M and Mr. P... then it changed to Mommy M and Daddy P.. and then another change Mommy & Daddy.  It took a long time for Big Girl "C"indy to come to terms with "loving" two mommies and two daddies (even though she decided to call us that).  We did a lot of talking and listening.  I told her that she could call us whatever she wanted.. Mr. & Ms., Auntie & Uncle, Mom & Dad... she chose that latter (mind you this was during a time period when the children didn't have visitation with family members).  We talked to the therapist about it, and she assured it was normal and okay.. the children need to identify someone as that role.  Phewww..

Well visits resumed and obviously the family was shocked by Big Girl's decision to call us Mommy & Daddy (honestly how would you feel if your preschooler or toddler called another person that?  heartbroken I am sure).  Big Girl told me that she was questioned about it.. and I asked her what she said, she just shrugged her shoulders.. then I reminded her "Who makes the rules about what you call us?" she smiled and replied "I DO!" pointing at herself with her thumb.  And I then said "So you can call us whatever you want, remember.. Mommy, Auntie or Ms."  she smiled again "Okay Mommy."

Now, Little Girl "B"ella.. was all about Mommy and Daddy from Day 1.  Fine we thought.. she is only 2.  One morning at a recent visit, she was sitting with her Mom and she looks at me and says "I have two mommies!" all proud of herself.  All I could think was.. wow she must feel soo special and loved.  I have never told her she was special because she has two sets of parents.. just that it was okay to love more than one person.. that there is always room for more people to love.  What a self-confidient Little Girl.

Now, if only there was a book out there to help these children through this... to help parents understand their children's need for someone to fill that role... to give you the words to tell the child that it's okay to LOVE.. and they will always have more LOVE to give.