This is an older blog post, but it was shared recently by a friend and hit home (and admittedly, stung a bit too):  How to Miss a Childhood by HandsFreeMama.

What do I want my children to have as memories?  Of course some of the same things I remember... Weren't we all Wonder Woman or SuperMan at some point?  Jumping off buildings (swing sets) in a single bound?  -- okay sorry Mom and Dad, but we did jump off the barn roof too, among other things that will not be admitted to you or my children.

I just don't know where to find the time...  With 5 kids and working full time, our schedules are jam packed. And this is without extra activities, like soccer or girl scouts.  I am reluctant to even add those to my schedule.  But I am missing out on their childhood... and so are they.  I have even taken to pacifying and bribing them with video game play (the current favorite is Smurfs Dance Party for Wii), just to get other things done.

Here is a list of some favorite memories from my childhood:

• roaming free 
• building forts
• blanket forts
• playing board games
• learning how to shuffle a deck of cards
• getting my nails done (by my mom -- which first involved soaking them in warm water and soap)
• riding my bike
• a sick day of Sonic video game play (my brother and I beat it -- I can't even tell you what we were sick from)
• Disney Movie night (on TV)

What I am afraid my children will remember:

• me being on my cell phone
• me placating them with video games
• being sent outside to play on the swing set so I could clean the house

Although, reading my list of memories.. I am *now* sure that some of those items were my parents shooing us away to get things done.

So how do I accomplish "Not missing out on Childhood" from their end and mine?  

I don't get home from work till about 6pm or 6:30pm...  I make dinner.. we eat dinner.. and then its off to bed at 8:30pm.  Not much time in there.  In the morning its getting everyone ready, making lunches, and then out the door and off to daycare/school/work.

Reader Question: What's Harder?? (Part II - The Answer)

Reader Question: 

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

OR

Foster Care?

It was great to see all of your responses.

 For me both are emotionally draining and anxiety ridden.  And with both you can never seem to anticipate anything because once you think you have it figured out.. it changes, for better or worse... it changes.

With TTC and FT's time ticks by at the pace of a cycle.. everything is defined in terms of your ovulation.  You have the fertile time leading up to ovulation, and then the dreaded Two Week Wait to find out if you conceived.. only in our case that TWW never gave us the desired and hoped for BFP.  In the beginning the signs of AF weren't so depressing.. it was "oh well there's next month, we are still young" outlook and adage.  Then you start realizing.. SH*T this just isn't working.. and you seek medical help.. you take medication and are told that "it wont be a problem for you to conceive".. only there is still a problem.. you still aren't conceiving.  So you move further into the treatment process and continue to struggle with conception.. until there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.  A time when decide to grieve the loss of your biological child and either live a child-free life or pursue other means create a family.

Then we have the Foster Care side of the equation... time ticks by at the pace of a court date (every 3 months).  And information isn't freely passed between parties.  Foster Parents can "see" how the case is going by their foster children's behaviour, but that can be misleading.  We aren't even always told what circumstances brought the children into care... we can surmise based on comments or attending court hearings (which I never attended.. working in the legal field, I never wanted the court to ask me a question without having been fully prepped on how to answer it -- the big thing with courts is that everything has to be facts not opinions and so mixing your feelings into the fold, won't always bring about your desired outcome).  And I can tell you, this past case was emotionally exhausting for me.  I always felt as thought I couldn't truly determine whether or not I was being selfish or if I was truly thinking of the children's best interest.  Sadly, there are times (in parenting not just foster parenting) where being selfish and having the child's best interest at are are one in the same... and yet you feel guilty because of that simple truth.

So for me.. although they were both riddled with anxiety and heartache, being a Foster Parent was much harder.  Solely because there are lives at stake.  With TTC & FT's YES I grieved, and yes there are days when I still continue to grieve, but it was in the abstract.  Whereas with Foster Parenting, I see .. daily .. the toll it takes on the children and on their families.

For me.. being a Foster Parent is much harder than TTC'ing or injecting myself with needles and being jabbed by the U/S tech every other day to see if things are "ripening" properly.

The Big Reveal!

MOVE THAT BUS!!!!

** This post will only last a few days **

Well Ladies and Gents (if there are any who read this)...

I guess I should announce the reason for redoing our paperwork...

Am I Showing...

the answer is on my face, not my belly.

"A"arron has been adopted and we have started the process of adopting "B"ella & "C"indy.  We are actually quite shocked at how quick it was to finalize on "A"arron (and yes I will still be calling him by that name on the blog.. just for privacy reasons).    The girls are currently placed as a "Legal Risk Adoptive Placement" - meanning that there are some paperwork and legal things to clear up before we can finalize their adoption (this could take 6-9 months or longer), but they will stay with us .. which is good.

When we started the process of foster parenting.. I would not have guessed that this is where we'd be two years later.  Had you asked me then .. I would have told you "Oh we'll probably have 3-4 placements before we adopt."  I never would've imagined that we'd be adopting our first foster child.. or that that first placement would've been an infant.

And for those of you that are curious.. this is what a Paper Pregnancy looks like:

A Page out of Someone Else's Book

I read this blog every so often.. not so much anymore, not because I don't remember what infertility feels like, but because I am busy.  I barely take the time to blog regularly myself, nevermind catch up on everyone elses. But this title caught my eye... Living with Infertility: Take Two .. so I journeyed over younder and read it. And I agree with it.  I know I am still greiving.. I know I am still living with infertility, but I know that I am going to live and I am going to live a happy life, with a biological child or not.

So now onto Kieko's task... I am going to step back to a few previous posts.. one in the early stages of our Clammer to Conception.. and one at the Final Curtain Call of Fertility Treatments.

Clammer to Conception: We tried, well not tried, we just didn't prevent pregnancy for the first few years of our marriage.  And when we started trying.. it wasn't happening.  Finally they ordered some tests, bloodwork, exams, semen analysis.. yada, yada.. and we were diagnosed and prescribed fertility treatments. The reason we couldn't conceiven naturally we were known as being SUBFERTILE -- what's that mean? Well all the plumbing works correctly.. there are just "minor" factors inhibiting our ability to conceive.  We were told IUI will definitely work, but we could try this magic pill in the meantime (aka clomid.. the thought was the more eggs = more targets).  We had hope that we'd conceive and insurance that covered it.. I remember that excitement at a chance.

Final Curtain: I felt like I was on that journey forever, but in reality it was only a year between an official diagnosis and our last treatment cycle (it probably feels longer because I have short cycles.. the "average" woman has 13 cycles a year -- that is basing it on a 28 day cycle; I have 15-16 cycles in a year).  Anyway, this particular post, isn't from our LAST Treatment Cycle, but it was one of the final treatments we endured.  And those feelings from that morning are forever burned into my heart.. the tears must have been acid tears.. because it is litterally burned into my memory... the grief, the loss is still there when I think about it.

So what's your journey?  What can you recall with the realness of today? And if you don't have a journey, remember that 1 in 8 couples do.. because even the Birds and the Bees have trouble conceiving.  So on a lighter note, I leave you with this music video ... see even us infertiles can laugh at our state:

there are differences

As much as we are told as Foster Parents, that you should treat a Foster Child as if they were your own, the reality is that there are differences.  Mostly, the differences revolve around structure and discipline.  In general children "in the system" come from homes that lack both structure and discipline, there aren't boundaries or expectations for the children.  And we ALL know that children need these things just as much as they need love!

Foster children come with a whole lot of baggage, it can take months or even years to get the children to feel "safe" in their foster parents home.  For those whose children feel safe immediately.. Look Out!  It's the Honeymoon phase or worse a disorder known as a RAD (reactive attention disorder.. basically the child seemingly attaches to anyone and everyone but the attachment isn't a bond, it is just on the superficial).

I believe that my goal as a foster parent, is to help with life after they are reunited, because the goal of foster care is to reunite the family unit.  So with this "goal" in mind I am hoping to help the children in their future and encourage good/healthy habits.

For some children it can revolve around a disorder, such as RAD, with which there would be attachment and bonding therapy.  I guess, most importantly a foster home needs to (as a wonderful friend put it) an extension of the child's therapy.  The difficult part is keeping friends and family on the same page, they aren't in our home everyday.. so they don't witness the behavoirs, things just appear to be "normal" or "cute", when in fact those behavoirs could cause problems for them in the future.

Little Girl "B"ella is a bit of an attention hog.. meaning she will climb into someone's lap, anyone's lap, without asking if it is okay or knowing the person (I had a friend visit for a weekend and "B"ella, just climbed right into her lap the first afternoon she met her).  I realize that a lot of it has to do with her feeling "safe" in our home, so her assumption is that anyone we invite into our home is "safe", but the truth is that they may not be.  What if we have a contractor working on our house, it is not okay for her to climb into their lap.  So then how do I teach her that this is unacceptable?  Well, first I reinfornce the "ask before you climb" rule (even with myself and my husband) and we don't always let her sit in our lap, we remind her that she can be close to us without sitting on us (I tickle her and call her my little "personal space invader").  But we also have to remind her that she doesn't know people well enough to sit in their laps "This is the first time you met 'Amber' so please don't see in her lap, you don't know her well enough to sit in her lap."  Then the question becomes, how many times does she need to meet someone before she can sit in their laps?  How many times.. I guess the answer varies on your relationship with the person, right... any advice would be appreciated, because I am at a loss.

New Adventures.. New Questions.

So awhile back I posted some pretty annoying questions that I had heard regularly while attempting to conceive.

And, now that we are fostering, I hear new questions about the same old thing.. KIDS!  Well, not Question"S" but a QUESTION...

"Will you get to adopt them?"

And the simple answer is "Maybe". 

However, the reality is that we are foster parents.  Children come to us while their families are in crisis, while their parents are learning to parent, and while Child Protective Services (CPS) is seeking a safe home for the children.  Once the parents learn to parent and are out of crisis, there is no need for the CPS to keep the children safe and they can/will be returned to their family. 

Although, in the event that the parents do not learn to parent or are still in crisis there is a possibility of adoption... but here is the sticky part.  Foster parents ARE NOT the first choice as adoptive parents (not because the CPS doesn't want the foster parent to adopt).  The reason foster parents aren't the first choice, is because it is important to keep a biological family bond... so CPS looks at Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, Cousins, and even close family friends... THEN they look at the Foster Parents and FINALLY they look a Pre-Adoptive Home (a home in which the children may have never met their future adoptive family).

What I WE are learning is that after trying sooo long to have biological children (and yes we would LOVE to adopt), that having (whether through adoption or birth) a child/ren isn't as important as helping a child/ren.  By being foster parents, we are doing just that.. helping children in need.

So in case you are wondering.. even if we adopt (any of our foster children) we will still continue take in new  foster children and be foster parents.
Our Big Girl and I had a conversation on this topic, a few weeks ago...

    Cindy -  "Miss M. why don't you have any babies?"
    Me - "Well, God didn't give us any babies"
    Cindy - "Why didn't he?"
    Me - "Because he wanted us to be able to take care of kids like you."

                     SILENCE....

     Cindy - "I have an idea!"
     Me - "Really? What's that?"
     Cindy - "You could pray to God to give you a baby of your own."

Just wanted to share the wisdom of 5 year old.

13 weeks and...

Countdown:  Full Day 11 of a 14 day Respite Placement

Everytime Aarron looks at me I swear this is what he is thinking.. he even has the "Happy Bunny" grin and all!!  We've had quite a few restless nights the past few days.  He has decided that the best place to be at all times and even to sleep is in my arms.  Yah, basically not the most comfortable place for me! 

Tonight, I tried something a bit different... I downloaded an MP3 of a heartbeat (the CD also has a washing machine, hair dryer, and a few other "soothing sounds" -- okay.. an electric razor will not soothe me, but infants have an odd sense of what is "soothing").  So as I type I can hear the heartbeat on the baby monitor.  And I even put him to bed while he was awake... GASP!! (he was nodding off in my arms before I laid him down) He got a bit cranky after spitting out his pacifier.. so I went back up to his bedroom, gave him his pacifier back.  And turned up the volume on the CD player. -- knock on wood -- after an hour he is soundly sleeping.  Stay Tuned for how the night actually goes....

"Music and the Monitors"

Countdown:  Full Day 2 of a 14 day Respite Placement

"I need these monitors right here

Music and the monitors, and it goes a little something

Like this here ah huh ah huh ah"

                                                         ~ DJ Kool

Conversation with P. (early 2010 -- sometime during the licensing process - paraphrased):

P: "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Me: "Why wouldn't I be ready?"

P: "Well, you don't really like to get up in the morning."

Me: "Of course I don't.. I don't have a reason to get up in the morning. Are you ready for this?"

P: "Yah, why?"

Me: "So, you're ready to get up in the middle of the night... you can sleep through everything, even a shoe in your back." (sorry P.  I am pretty sure it was a bit of a jab when we actually had the conversation)

Flashfoward to this morning

(day 2 of respite):

Time:  6:25am

P: "Hey, the baby is crying."

Me (groggy from just being woke up): "whaaa?"

P: "The baby's crying.  Is the monitor on?"

Me (still groggy): "Oh he is crying... I guess it wasn't on."

P: "And I wasn't going to hear the baby."

So day 3 was off to a great start.. but let's discuss day 2 first (our first night and full day together).  He slept from 11:00pm to 6:30am.  I slept from 12:00am to 3:00am and then off and on till 6:00am (when P.'s alarm went off for him to go to work).  I woke up everytime I heard Aaron.  I was anxious that I would hear him in the "monitor", but I did.. I heard every wince, giggle, whimper, whine, sneeze, and cough). 

Overall day 2 went really well.  He napped after his bottle (about 6 oz) and then woke up and another bottle (4 oz).  We went and got the paperwork for day care on Monday and to the store to get an infant carrier for P.'s car.  I attempted some housework, but didn't get much done, between feedings, entertaining, and diaper changing.  We even managed to get of the house last night and attend a concert in the park with Aarron.  Aarron slept from 10:00pm till 6:30am (as seen in above's conversation). 

Today we spent the morning at the house and did a few errands.  We picked up some clothes for the baby (he was sent with some things that had holes in them and/or too small for him.  I get this, but I feel bad for him.  Why would you send clothes that don't fit the child to another foster family?  I have no intention of keeping his the other family's clothes.), more bottles, the cutest little sandals (I couldn't resist) and then went grocery shopping.  He slept through most of our adventures, but woke up just as we left Babies-R-Us to go grocery shopping to eat a few more ounces.  At this point P. asked how many times he eats a day... and I said about 8 times...

Do you know what babies and hobbits have in common? 

Mealtimes. 

They both eat breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner and supper. 

All in all, things are going really well.  Aarron is mostly a content and happy little guy.  It is a great first placement.

By the way... I still remember that he isn't mine.  Twice yesterday people commented about how beautiful he is and asked his age.  Upon hearing he was just 12 weeks, they would promptly look at me and then have this dirty look in their eyes as if they were thinking "b!tch.. i can't believe she that thin after having a baby!" i am have tempted to then say "oh, yah I have been doing the 'rotten egg' diet".

Zero to Sixty

So, after just getting licensed last Wednesday, we got a call yesterday (exactly 1 week later) for respite care.  For those of you not familiar, respite care is basically babysitting for another foster family.  The time for respite can vary from an evening, to a weekend, to a week, or longer.. it all depends on how much the family needs (and the reasoning can vary from vacations, to just needing a break for a date night, to family emergencies).  Well, for our respite care we will be caring for a 10 week old baby boy (names have been changed to protect the innocent) "Aarron" (I am following in the footsteps of storm names.. starting out with A.. obviously our next placement will begin with a B) for the next 2 weeks. 

I picked up Aarron this afternoon, stopped by a friends house for some much needed (incredibly generous and kind) baby stuff (a swing, a bouncy seat, a bath, a "snugli" and a floor/tummy time toy -- which he absolutely loves!).  We chatted for a bit.. then I was off to the homestead, but a made another pitstop at another friend's house (just so she could meet Aarron).

I managed to carry everything into the house (not all at once) and then got Aarron situated, and then took care of the dogs (potty time, dinner time.. yada, yada).  Then P. came home while I was feeding the baby (by the way.. this baby is not little.. he is a chunka monka man-baby!)  and then we did our dinner thing, while the baby napped for a bit.  And I quickly ran out to Target to get some necessities (a diaper pail, wipes, bibs, burp rags, bath supplies, bottles, extra sheets, etc. --> thanks for the gift cards everyone.. they REALLY came in handy!!  oh and the bathroom safety kit had a water thermometer.. AWESOME!  its a fish that floats and reads the water temp).  While I was out, I got a phone call (which I didn't hear.. my phone has no service in any of the big box stores --- do you think that's because they don't want you communicating with the outside world when you are debating a purchase?!?)  but I did get his text.. "I think someone's hungry"  So I texted back.. "there's a bottle on the counter".  I then called another friend, while waiting for a register (Thanks M!!) "Ummm.. could you help me?  I just wanna make sure I have everything that I will for at least tonight." and I ran through the everything that was in my carriage (yes is my Rhodey talk.. its a carriage.. not a cart there).  She agreed that I'd be good for at least tonight, anyway, and couldn't think of anything to add.. although, as I was talking to her I remembered I needed hypoallergenic laundry detergent... so I grabbed that.. and then began the checkout process.

I got home.. started washing some of the new things. And basically organized the diaper bag, the bedroom, the bathroom, while P. continued watching Aarron.  Then it was bathtime (which he didn't actually like unless you were dumping water under his neck.  Then time for bed... which I found he can only be walked.  No rocking, no stopping, no sitting... just walking.  He is now in the crib.. sleeping soundly (and supposedly he sleeps through the night.. we'll see).

So for now.. Good Night...

Salt isn't just a Seasoning

Support from family and friends can go a long way in dealing with the emotional struggles of infertility and/or adoption. There are lots of things that seem to be the "normal" response to these topics, but tend to "pour salt in the wound".

I hid our struggles from the majority of our family and even our closest friends.  I hated seeing the pain in their eyes or hearing it in their voice when we had yet another negative pregnancy test.  To me, that pain was salt in my wound... so I didn't talk about it.  I hid my sadness, anger, and envy behind laughter and jokes:  "Who's needs children?  I have three dogs that I can leave unattended while I am at work!" HAHAHAHA! (tears) HAHAHAHA!  Granted I talked about our cycles, our treatments, our struggles, my anger, my disappoinment with a wonderful group of women.. a group of women (thank you WTE Ladies) I may never meet but who have been there for me when I couldn't wouldn't share those things with people I knew/know and love.

So if I had to go back, would I do it differently?  Probably... I'd probably be more open about all of it, so that others could learn, could help me Adjust, Alter, Amend perceptions and conversations.

What can I do now? 

What can you do now?

Ask How You Can Be Supportive:  The best way to be supportive is by asking what you can do. This allows the couple involved to determine the kind of role you will play in support. And it allows them to retain control over a very personal issue. If the couple tells you that there is nothing that you can do, respect their requests, and offer to be there for them in the future should they need you.  Possible offer a hand to hold at a doctor's appointment or buying a mutual friend's baby gift to spare your pal the pain of doing it themselves.

Don't Force the Issue:  Even though you may want to talk about the diagnosis or treatment options that your friends are pursuing, they might not feel the same way. It is important to allow them to discuss their emotions and concerns about infertility in their own time. Don't make comments such as, "When are you going to get pregnant?" or "What treatment are you going to try next?" These comments can be hurtful and inappropriate. Make your friends aware that you are available to talk at any time, but don't force your advice upon them.

Resist Comparisons:  Though it can be tempting to tell your family members about people you know who are also going through fertility treatments, this is generally not a wise idea. Everyone's experience with infertility is different, and most couples who are experiencing it don't want to hear about other people's battles. Unless your family asks you to tell them about other people's experiences, refrain from doing so.

Don't Be Overly Optimistic or Pessimistic:  Fertility treatments can be very successful sometimes. IUI and IVF offer success rates of up to 25% per cycle. However, even if your friend is undergoing treatment, there is a possibility that a pregnancy won't result. Many women do become pregnant, but experience miscarriage early on. So try to avoid being overly optimistic about treatments. However, this does not mean that you should be negative about treatment either. Try to be supportive without leaning one way or the other.

Avoid Recommending Treatments: If a family member or close friend is undergoing fertility treatments, then you will probably be interested in finding out more about these procedures. But try to avoid recommending one procedure over another. Choosing fertility treatment needs to be a personal decision and it should only be made between the individuals directly involved. Feel free to offer support about treatment, but try not to favor one treatment over another.

Remember Both Partners:  There is usually more than one individual involved in an diagnosis of infertility. Unfortunately, because infertility is often seen as a "woman's disease," male partners often get left out of the picture. In fact, up to 50% of infertility diagnoses are due to male factor infertility. It is important that male partners get all the support and concern that you can provide. [Source]

Adjust, Alter, Amend

The way we talk about things in life may be "normal", but should they be? Should we never.. "Adjust, Alter, Amend" our terms, our verbiage, or even our perceptions?

With infertilty.. the "normal" reaction by friends and family is "Who's problem is it?" or "Who's fault is it?" Because that is what they assume, its a problem, a fault, an issue.. not a disease, not something that could be corrected with medical help.

With adoption.. the "normal" reacation by friends and family is "Why'd the mother give up the baby?" or "How could someone give up something so precious?" Because that is what they assume, the parents just threw away the child, they had more important things to do with their life than parent.. not that they CHOSE adoption, that they pondered the consquences of their decision, that they consicously made this decision that will not only affect the rest of their lives, but the rest of the child's life, as well as the adoptive family's lives.

So why not advocate for our friends and family to Adjust, Alter, Amend their percepations and even verbiage when it comes to these very personal and emotially sensitive topics.  Why should we continue to accept the "normal" reactions, instead of requesting the "appropriate" reactions?

Infertility is a painful and difficult time in a person's and a couple's lives... in fact some couples do not survive past the prognosis.  The pain and anger over not being able to conceive outweighs the love they once had for each other.  There are many emotional struggles when dealing with Infertility and then the treatments associated with "curing" it.  But with patience and "appropriate" reactions from friends and family, the emotional struggles can be overcome by the support and love they receive.

Adoption is the same... people don't give up, it isn't a failure to have your child adopted by another family... it is a choice, it is a heartfelt decision to do something so selfless for the child and another family. 

 

So Adjust, Alter, Amend...

"Infertility is a Disease"  and "Adoption is a Choice"

both require two simple, hearfelt things:

Sympathy and Empathy.

Oh yah.. and ummmm... we are also officially licensed. (okay that was a bit nonchalant).. so,

WE ARE OFFICIALLY LICENSED!!

I have a feeling that we will be having quite a few things to Adjust, Alter, Amend in our daily lives, in the very near future.

¿dónde estás?

This question never seems to not come in conversation...

 "Where are you?"

 -- in relation to the Foster Care Licensing Process --

Well, we are in the same room room we were last week, and even last month.. the Waiting.Room.  Just chillin' and waiting and seriously annoying the KGB weekly.  I email her to ask about the status, which she says... prompts her to call the state department and find out where we stand.  But basically.. its a stand.still, you know how government agencies are.. a complete and utter traffic jam.  So, we wait... and wait some more.. just every so patiently waiting.

And our supposed busy household, is not so full of hustle and bustle either.  The church decided to place the FORE counselors in one home, instead of dividing them between dos casas.  So, maybe that means that I can start on another project... painting the jack and jill bathroom (its small).. and then if we still don't have any movement on the FosterCare front and the homefront is still a quiet environment, we I (P is in an online Masters program, with LOTS of homework.. so its not so much that he would be unwilling.. just more unable.. getting an amazing GPA for his Masters is more important than assisting me in painting) can paint the other guest bedroom.

so for now.....

Pretend Parenting

So, this weekend we got some practice through a "playdate".  On Saturday we went to a BBQ and our friends' 6 year old son asked if he could go for a ride in our car (he has a fascination with cars).  Obviously, I had been enjoying some "adut beverages" and had to turn him down, but told him that we'd pick him up the next afternoon after church and we'd hang out for the afternoon.

We kept our promise and in the beginning he was really quiet... I mean R E A L L Y QU I E T!!  But the smile on his face said it all. We took him to lunch and he was soo polite and sweet.  He got a little cold on the patio of the restaurant so I grabbed a pullover from the car for him to wear (it was a bit big, but it worked).  I commented on how he was wear a dress, and he giggled and asked me (well, this it was it sounded like) ...

"Do you know what a guilt is?"

Paul and I just stared at one another and I asked him "Do you want to take this one?"  He didn't... So I just repeated what I thought JM had said, to confirm before answering.. and he giggled again and said...

"No, do you know what a kilt is?"

Needless to say we were both very releived to find that that was the question and not the one we thought we heard.  I mean how to do answer the first one?  The kilt was easy ... "a Man's Skirt".

After lunch, we went to the house, he asked for a tour, and the we played some wii (JM totally kicked my butt in boxing), played with some legos, and he watched a dvd of old school Gumby.

I am pretty sure JM enjoyed himself, because he requested to spend the night.. but alas with work in the morning we had to decline the request.  I told him that he could spend the night on a Friday night when we didn't have to work in the morning.

Paper, Paper, Paper

Well, the paperwork is completed and has been sent to the "Approval Gods" (see the Checklist).  Yes, that means that P had his TB test, which was negative.. not that we weren't positive it would be negative.  And funny enough, of all the tests we've taken throughout he years of TTC and FTs this is one of the few tests that it be negatory is exciting and wonderful!!  We also got back our AWARD from the lovely state of PA... annd I say AWARD, because that is litterally what it looked like.  Basically, CONGRATULATIONS.. You are not a Child Abuser!!  I honestly LAUGHED, and almost choked, when I opened the envelope to see a tan sheet of paper with that award border, my name (we each received our own.. how special), and a paragraph explaining that we had been cleared.

I also spoke with KGB, via email, yesterday and she said that it takes about 3.. THREE... weeks for the AG's to give us the go ahead to have a placement.  Which, puts us into July AND my middle brother's wedding.  So, if we were to get a call for a placement straight away, it looks like we'd have to turn it down, unless we can get approval to take the kiddo(s) with us to the Ocean State.

And to add to your pleasure, I have some pics from the gifts we received from all of our amazing friends and familyl, who have supported us through this whole endeavor and whom I know will continue to support us (sorry I don't have any pics from the Licensing Shower, but it I don't.. no excuses there).

I swear I'll be sending out the "thank you" notes soon.. they are done.. I just have to put stamps on them.  But know that I do "THANK YOU".. well WE THANK YOU.  Considering we don't know the age or even sex of our future child(ren), the items we did receive will be of much use, because they fit a vast age group.

I wish...

We could all spend some time in someone else's shoes, because it never ceases to amaze me how much we take for granted or whine about on a regular basis.  For example, I relentessly complain about my subfertility or the perceived (yes, he is a big help) lack of help from P, but the reality is that I wouldn't change my life or its path for a minute.  Yes, there are days when it is overwhelming!  There are days, when I can't find myself able to laugh off the stuff that I usually brush under the rug.  Those days, I wish life were easier than it is, but later I realize that if it were easier... if just one hurdle wasn't as high or as difficult, I never would have learned the lessons of how sweet life truly is.

This week I have been quite reflective (probably because of being assinged to help out the family law group -- d.i.v.o.r.c.e) and even a bit mushy (go ahead and squirm!).  Funny thing is that P. has even noticed my overly affectionate behavior.

♥  I have a warm and caring husband,

whom I can't imagine my life without him, he brings me up and supports me. 

♥  I have an amazing younger sister,

who is always available to listen and give sound advice or a comforting word.

♥  I have beautfiul friends,

who may not be close in distance but are always close to my heart.

♥  I have a loving family,

a network of people whom may or may not be related by blood,

but who always are willing to share their hearts.

There are days, when just having empathy for another is enough to realize that the path you may be on, isn't the one you would have necessarily chosen but its definitely worth the ride.  I am excited for the new adventures to come our way, and am blessed that I can share them.  Life has its ups and downs, but those sweet moments would definitely be less memorable without the lemons.

---

Okay enough of the "life lessons"... Home Study is Saturday!! I am a ball of emotions.. scared, nervous, excited, giddy (yes, still giddy), and dreading the amount of cleaning that needs to get done!

Anyone up for a visit.. I could use some help!?!?

Progress

Well, we made some significant progress on the T's Room... second coat of paint is up, touch-ups are completed, and the chair rail is up. I have a little bit of touch up to do (wood putty to fill in the nails and paint it to match the rest of the trim in the house), but all in all it looks wonderful!!  At least I am we are pleased with how it has turned out.  For now I am leaving the one wall bare, I think that the brown and the chair rail have added enough to the room, without the need for stripes or diamonds on one wall.

I hope to swap out the futon for the conversion crib this week/weekend.  And get a crib/toddler mattress for it, so that I can set it up as a toddler bed before the home study (on March 27^th).  I've also picked out the bedding... it took forever to find something that wasn't exculsively for a baby, a boy, or a girl.  I know that there is plenty out there that is labeled "unisex" but when you really look at it, it either looks like something for a nursery or still somewhat girlie!  I really wanted something that would fit our age range (infant to 6 years old), and I am sorry but Bunnies just do not go with a 5 year old boy's bedroom.  So, I settled on the Dr. Seuss (thanks J!) ABC bed in a bag... it comes with top sheet, bottom sheet, pillow case, and quilt:

I really like the other items that they have, but think could be just too much of one theme.  I am hoping to accent the room with the colors in the polka dots (red, yellow, green, blue, etc.).  And maybe even find some Dr. Suess wall art... most likey I'll draw/paint something and frame them (yes, I have some artistic talent).  Oh, I have plenty of time to accessorize!

Orientation - Smore.ientation - Bore.ientation

So last night was our "Orientation" or "Pre P.R.I.D.E. Training". For those of you not familiar with "P.R.I.D.E." it is not some sort of gay rights thing (even though the word does conjure images of gay pride parades).




"P.R.I.D.E." stands for "Parent Resource for Information, Development, Education" and is required training (by most states) for both Foster Parents and Adoptive Parents before being permitted to become a licensed or adoptive home. The training is to help educate parents about the needs of children in the foster care system, including developmental, behavioral and emotional issues. It also teaches appropriate disciplinary actions and communication with the biological family.


Anywho, the informational session went well. We basically learned about the program and what they offer for support in the way of fostering and adoption (all adoptions through the program are children from the foster care system).


Now comes the decision making:

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

• Do we do foster parenting?
  
• Do we choose adoption?
  
• What age group do we think we can handle?
  
• Are there specific behavioral, emotional, or development problems we'll be better able to cope with?

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Lots of things to discuss and evaluate. But deep down I know we can make a HUGE difference in a child's life and in turn that child with greatly impact and change ours.. and I believe that it will all be for the better. This is truly because family is all about
Faith ... Love ... Hope

Divination

After having my Tarrot Card read and it showing a somewhat positive sign of creating out family, I decide to try out this online psychic. Cheri gives predictions about TTC and pregnancy and it only costs 10 bucks through paypal (a link to the website is in the blog title). I figured what the heck do I have to lose.. I've wasted 10 bucks on worse things before. Anyway here's the reading...

Question:
Cheri, thank you for your response. I look foward to reading your predictions. My current status is that my husband and I have been ended our fertility treatments (IUI and IVF) and are possibly pursing adoption, while continuing to TTC naturally. We have never been pregnant. I am hoping to find out if we will concieve a child or be given this gift through adoption and a possible of timeline.

Prediction:
Hi Maddie

Thanks for being patient wtih me while I got back to your reading. I see you guys being able to pursue adoption quite easily. Although they will make you do a mountain of paperwork and stress you out, they show you being able to hold a baby boy in your arms. They are bouncing around in regards to his month connection and its harder to work that out as I am unsure if they are trying to provide a timeline in regards to when he was conceived, when he will be born or when he is in your arms. I have a feeling though that he is on his way, which means conceived already and they connect to November. I get the feeling you will have him within three months of his birth.. (or could be that he is due in November, on his way to be conceived and you will h ave him by JAN - 2011).. I wish I could give you a better timeline but having a really hard time sorting that out. I do know that he is from a young unmarried couple... they show between 17-23 and not able to look after him. (they both live at home or with help from their parents)... I see him being born around the 6lbs 13oz range and a natural birth. Hes a cuddly sort too and will really take to you.

As for naturally ttc, they show you guys taking a break.. they show 2 years when your daughter (conceived naturally) shows up. They show her related to august so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in. I See you getting into a more herbal connection just before her conception and drinking some sort of drink. (like a berry concoction or something that is good for you and healthy).

She looks like you, mild temperament, a bit shy at times, but certainly knows how to throw a tantrum and try and get her way... or to be assertive in a situation where there is obviously no clear leader and one is needed desperately!

Let me know if you have any questions
Best Wishes
Cheri

I don't think I can complain about that reading... the thing that gets me is that our state has a 6-10 week waiting period (post birth) for the adoption to finalized... pretty close to her 3 month mark.

I'll be interested in seeing if it comes true!! And be honest with me.. am I totally insane for believing one bit of this?

Just for fun....

I am not sure how much belief I put in this type of stuff... but just for fun a friend on one of the online communities I belong to did soem Tarrot Card readings.

This was her response: "Hi Maddie, I got some pretty overwhelming images about you even before I began to draw. I kept seeing you holding a child and this amazing smile on your face. The card I drew is the card of victory and confidence - accomplishment of an ambition. I tried to figure out if that was meaning naturally or by adoption, but for some reason it just blurs when I try to focus. In any event, I feel strongly that you are going to be a mommy one way or the other, and an amazing one at that. It actually made me tear up a little to see you so happy in my mind... I drew another card and it was urgency - things will happen quickly or progress continuously. I sure hope that you can get your biological child, but either way it looks like you will be a mommy! GL!!"