Reader Question: What's Harder?? (Part II - The Answer)

Reader Question: 

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

OR

Foster Care?

It was great to see all of your responses.

 For me both are emotionally draining and anxiety ridden.  And with both you can never seem to anticipate anything because once you think you have it figured out.. it changes, for better or worse... it changes.

With TTC and FT's time ticks by at the pace of a cycle.. everything is defined in terms of your ovulation.  You have the fertile time leading up to ovulation, and then the dreaded Two Week Wait to find out if you conceived.. only in our case that TWW never gave us the desired and hoped for BFP.  In the beginning the signs of AF weren't so depressing.. it was "oh well there's next month, we are still young" outlook and adage.  Then you start realizing.. SH*T this just isn't working.. and you seek medical help.. you take medication and are told that "it wont be a problem for you to conceive".. only there is still a problem.. you still aren't conceiving.  So you move further into the treatment process and continue to struggle with conception.. until there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.  A time when decide to grieve the loss of your biological child and either live a child-free life or pursue other means create a family.

Then we have the Foster Care side of the equation... time ticks by at the pace of a court date (every 3 months).  And information isn't freely passed between parties.  Foster Parents can "see" how the case is going by their foster children's behaviour, but that can be misleading.  We aren't even always told what circumstances brought the children into care... we can surmise based on comments or attending court hearings (which I never attended.. working in the legal field, I never wanted the court to ask me a question without having been fully prepped on how to answer it -- the big thing with courts is that everything has to be facts not opinions and so mixing your feelings into the fold, won't always bring about your desired outcome).  And I can tell you, this past case was emotionally exhausting for me.  I always felt as thought I couldn't truly determine whether or not I was being selfish or if I was truly thinking of the children's best interest.  Sadly, there are times (in parenting not just foster parenting) where being selfish and having the child's best interest at are are one in the same... and yet you feel guilty because of that simple truth.

So for me.. although they were both riddled with anxiety and heartache, being a Foster Parent was much harder.  Solely because there are lives at stake.  With TTC & FT's YES I grieved, and yes there are days when I still continue to grieve, but it was in the abstract.  Whereas with Foster Parenting, I see .. daily .. the toll it takes on the children and on their families.

For me.. being a Foster Parent is much harder than TTC'ing or injecting myself with needles and being jabbed by the U/S tech every other day to see if things are "ripening" properly.

Reader Question: What's Harder Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments OR Foster Care? (Part I)

Reader Question: 

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

OR

Foster Care?

Well, that is a tough one to answer.

So let me open this up to my Readers... What are your thoughts, questions, answers?  And then I will share mine.

Back to the Beginning

I was one of those "typical" teenage girls, I believed EVERYTHING that health education taught me about the Production of Reproduction!  Which was basically.. if you had sex, even if you were on birth control and using condoms and any and all other forms of contraception out there (with or without a perscription).. you WOULD get PREGO!   I was so fearful of pregnancy, that at 17 [GASP] I was still a virgin -- not having a boyfriend might have played a role in that as well, but that is another topic for another day.  Maybe I was naive or it wasn't discussed, but to my knowledge/memory there were only (from my graduating class) 3 girls out of 352 total students (who graduated) idk what the number of girls are in that total, but lets go with half... so 3 out of 126 = 2% of the class had a child while in high school. 

I don't know why the sudden media addtion over teenage pregnancy, but geez is it annoying???  From my perspective it is glamourizing the topic, it is perpetuating the idea that pregnancy is easy and so is parenting.  I have experience with both those.. and matter of factly.  It is not.  Neither is easy.  And I could not imagine getting pregnant or having a child as a teenager (for those that have done it and done it well.. you are amazing women, with soo much strength that I am proud to know you).

I do know that our current method of teaching Sex.Ed isn't working, or maybe it could be working but the media has gotten hold of our teens and given them the idea that pregnancy will make you famous.  I mean it worked for the Octo.Pie! And all those Adolescent Momma's out there.. they are getting way more than their 15 minutes of fame.  The Pregnancy.Pact got its own "Made 4 Telie" movie.  Of course even more publicity is being made over the Mempis Momma Madness. 

What is this teaching our teens? Our sons, our daughters? 

Have a baby, the media moguls will pick up the tab. 

When the reality is, that they won't pick up the tab...  you are their cash cow.

I think there could be less "accidental pregnancies" (as if.. I mean seriously it's like a 20% chance to get pregnant each cycle with PERFECTLY timed intercourse!).  If we were actually taught about our reproductive systems.. you know the SHOW and all those BOOGARS!!  We need more fertility awareness to help with the struggle with inferility and the teen pregnancy drama.

P.S. Thanks Hannah, for the idea.. sometimes we just need to RANT!

Divination

After having my Tarrot Card read and it showing a somewhat positive sign of creating out family, I decide to try out this online psychic. Cheri gives predictions about TTC and pregnancy and it only costs 10 bucks through paypal (a link to the website is in the blog title). I figured what the heck do I have to lose.. I've wasted 10 bucks on worse things before. Anyway here's the reading...

Question:
Cheri, thank you for your response. I look foward to reading your predictions. My current status is that my husband and I have been ended our fertility treatments (IUI and IVF) and are possibly pursing adoption, while continuing to TTC naturally. We have never been pregnant. I am hoping to find out if we will concieve a child or be given this gift through adoption and a possible of timeline.

Prediction:
Hi Maddie

Thanks for being patient wtih me while I got back to your reading. I see you guys being able to pursue adoption quite easily. Although they will make you do a mountain of paperwork and stress you out, they show you being able to hold a baby boy in your arms. They are bouncing around in regards to his month connection and its harder to work that out as I am unsure if they are trying to provide a timeline in regards to when he was conceived, when he will be born or when he is in your arms. I have a feeling though that he is on his way, which means conceived already and they connect to November. I get the feeling you will have him within three months of his birth.. (or could be that he is due in November, on his way to be conceived and you will h ave him by JAN - 2011).. I wish I could give you a better timeline but having a really hard time sorting that out. I do know that he is from a young unmarried couple... they show between 17-23 and not able to look after him. (they both live at home or with help from their parents)... I see him being born around the 6lbs 13oz range and a natural birth. Hes a cuddly sort too and will really take to you.

As for naturally ttc, they show you guys taking a break.. they show 2 years when your daughter (conceived naturally) shows up. They show her related to august so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in. I See you getting into a more herbal connection just before her conception and drinking some sort of drink. (like a berry concoction or something that is good for you and healthy).

She looks like you, mild temperament, a bit shy at times, but certainly knows how to throw a tantrum and try and get her way... or to be assertive in a situation where there is obviously no clear leader and one is needed desperately!

Let me know if you have any questions
Best Wishes
Cheri

I don't think I can complain about that reading... the thing that gets me is that our state has a 6-10 week waiting period (post birth) for the adoption to finalized... pretty close to her 3 month mark.

I'll be interested in seeing if it comes true!! And be honest with me.. am I totally insane for believing one bit of this?