Reader Question: What's Harder?? (Part II - The Answer)

Reader Question: 

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

OR

Foster Care?

It was great to see all of your responses.

 For me both are emotionally draining and anxiety ridden.  And with both you can never seem to anticipate anything because once you think you have it figured out.. it changes, for better or worse... it changes.

With TTC and FT's time ticks by at the pace of a cycle.. everything is defined in terms of your ovulation.  You have the fertile time leading up to ovulation, and then the dreaded Two Week Wait to find out if you conceived.. only in our case that TWW never gave us the desired and hoped for BFP.  In the beginning the signs of AF weren't so depressing.. it was "oh well there's next month, we are still young" outlook and adage.  Then you start realizing.. SH*T this just isn't working.. and you seek medical help.. you take medication and are told that "it wont be a problem for you to conceive".. only there is still a problem.. you still aren't conceiving.  So you move further into the treatment process and continue to struggle with conception.. until there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.  A time when decide to grieve the loss of your biological child and either live a child-free life or pursue other means create a family.

Then we have the Foster Care side of the equation... time ticks by at the pace of a court date (every 3 months).  And information isn't freely passed between parties.  Foster Parents can "see" how the case is going by their foster children's behaviour, but that can be misleading.  We aren't even always told what circumstances brought the children into care... we can surmise based on comments or attending court hearings (which I never attended.. working in the legal field, I never wanted the court to ask me a question without having been fully prepped on how to answer it -- the big thing with courts is that everything has to be facts not opinions and so mixing your feelings into the fold, won't always bring about your desired outcome).  And I can tell you, this past case was emotionally exhausting for me.  I always felt as thought I couldn't truly determine whether or not I was being selfish or if I was truly thinking of the children's best interest.  Sadly, there are times (in parenting not just foster parenting) where being selfish and having the child's best interest at are are one in the same... and yet you feel guilty because of that simple truth.

So for me.. although they were both riddled with anxiety and heartache, being a Foster Parent was much harder.  Solely because there are lives at stake.  With TTC & FT's YES I grieved, and yes there are days when I still continue to grieve, but it was in the abstract.  Whereas with Foster Parenting, I see .. daily .. the toll it takes on the children and on their families.

For me.. being a Foster Parent is much harder than TTC'ing or injecting myself with needles and being jabbed by the U/S tech every other day to see if things are "ripening" properly.

School House RockS

Countdown: Full Day 7 of a 14 day Respite Placement

So the School House ROCKS (aka Day Care).. I told you all that I know he is LOVING it there!!  I dropped off Aarron at day care this morning and was pleasantly informed that yesterday he.... rolled over.. from front to bak.. and from back to front (not at the same time).  Apparently he was doing some tummy time and just pushed himself right over onto his back.. and was schocked by the movement!!  I know that he gets close to rolling from back to front (he does this rocking motion to calm himself down), but hadn't actually seen him roll over.  Oh well, I missed that first, but it still nice to know he can do it!  He's just checking them off as each day passes!!

As for the length of this placement it seems like it might a little longer than the original estimate of two weeks (happy dance for me!!).  I have scheduled a well baby visit for him on Tuesday and he also has a hearing appointment at Children's Hospital next week.  I don't think there is a problem with his hearing, because the dogs barking wake him up during his naps (unless he is totally passed out!).

I We are really enjoying having him around.  He is really such an easy going little guy. 

Don't Stray

from the Schedule!!  

Saturday night (night #3 -- 11 more to go) was our first night that he didn't sleep through the night.  But I think that was my fault... I couldn't bare to wake Aarron up after his feeding at 9:30pm to take a bath and have another feeding before "bedtime" at 11:00pm.  That bit me us in the behind... he woke up at 1:00am crying to be fed (ate about 4 oz.) and then woke up again at 5:00am crying to be fed (ate about 6 oz.) and then woke up again at 7:30am wanting to be paid attention to.  So it looks like I have to wake him up for his nightly bath and "supper" so that we have a happy, full baby to put to sleep.

Sunday (full day #3 -- 11 more to go) was eventful, we went to church in the morning and then did some "chores" and then out to grab a late lunch.  And he was amazing through all of it... I couldn't ask for a better first placement (maybe its more the novelty of having a baby around, but whatever it is.. he's happy and we are happy having him with us -- even if it is briefly).  And he failed to sleep through the night again, but he was a little more on schedule.  He woke up at 1:30am but just whined a bit and then soothed himself back to sleep, until 3:30am when he was "STARVING!".  And then he woke up at 6:30am to be fed again.. and we back to sleep for a bit.

Today (full day #4 -- 10 more to go) was his first day at day care.  I have to admit I was a bit nervous about dropping him at day care.. I don't know why, but it isn't the same as spending the day with him.  So I dropped him off this morning with a bag full of clothes, diapers, wipes, powder, bottles, pacifiers, sunblock, his hat, and probably way more stuff than he could possibly need in one day -- better to be safe than sorry.  And went off to work.  I haven't called the day care.. I figure they will call if there is something wrong...

No calls = Good Days!!

P. will be picking him up this afternoon... and spending their second time alone (I have complete faith in him.. he is an amazing "Dad").

---

Aarron's Stats/Milestones:

Age: 12 weeks
Weight: 14 pounds (approximately)
Length: unkown (maybe 22 inches)

Milestones:

By the End of 1st Month:
✔• Lift head for short periods of time
✔• Move head from side to side
✔• Prefer the human face to other shapes
✔• Make jerky arm movements
✔• Bring hand to face

✔• Demonstrate strong reflex movements

✔• Focus on items 8 to 12 inches away

✔• Turn towards familiar sounds or voices

✔• Respond to loud sounds

✔• Blink at bright lights

By the End of 2nd Month:
✔• Smile
✔• Track objects with eyes
✔• Make noises other than crying
✔•Repeat vowel noises, such as “ah” or “ooh”
✔• Enjoy being held and spoken to
 
By the End of 3rd Month:
✔• Raise head and chest while on tummy

✔• Lift head 45 degrees
✔• Kick and strengthen legs while on back
✔• Open and shut hand
✔• Reach for dangling objects
✔• Grasp and shake hand toys
✔• Begin to develop a social smile
✔• Kick legs energetically
✔• Bring both hands together
 
By the End of 4th Month:
✔• Sleep about six hours at night before waking (total sleep typically 14 to 17 hours) 
    • Roll over (usually stomach to back is first)
✔• Sit with support
✔• Lift head up 90 degrees
✔• Follow a moving object for a 180-degree arc
✔• Babble and amuse him or herself with new noises
✔• Respond to all colors and shades
✔• Recognize a baby bottle or breast
✔• Explore objects with mouth
✔• Communicate fear, pain, loneliness, and discomfort through crying
✔• Respond to a rattle or bell