Wednesday, December 29, 2010
there are differences
I believe that my goal as a foster parent, is to help with life after they are reunited, because the goal of foster care is to reunite the family unit. So with this "goal" in mind I am hoping to help the children in their future and encourage good/healthy habits.
For some children it can revolve around a disorder, such as RAD, with which there would be attachment and bonding therapy. I guess, most importantly a foster home needs to (as a wonderful friend put it) an extension of the child's therapy. The difficult part is keeping friends and family on the same page, they aren't in our home everyday.. so they don't witness the behavoirs, things just appear to be "normal" or "cute", when in fact those behavoirs could cause problems for them in the future.
Little Girl "B"ella is a bit of an attention hog.. meaning she will climb into someone's lap, anyone's lap, without asking if it is okay or knowing the person (I had a friend visit for a weekend and "B"ella, just climbed right into her lap the first afternoon she met her). I realize that a lot of it has to do with her feeling "safe" in our home, so her assumption is that anyone we invite into our home is "safe", but the truth is that they may not be. What if we have a contractor working on our house, it is not okay for her to climb into their lap. So then how do I teach her that this is unacceptable? Well, first I reinfornce the "ask before you climb" rule (even with myself and my husband) and we don't always let her sit in our lap, we remind her that she can be close to us without sitting on us (I tickle her and call her my little "personal space invader"). But we also have to remind her that she doesn't know people well enough to sit in their laps "This is the first time you met 'Amber' so please don't see in her lap, you don't know her well enough to sit in her lap." Then the question becomes, how many times does she need to meet someone before she can sit in their laps? How many times.. I guess the answer varies on your relationship with the person, right... any advice would be appreciated, because I am at a loss.