Thursday, January 21, 2010

Stands up... Bows head...

"Hi, I'm Maddie.. And last night I slept with a stuffed animal"

I had a talk with one my dear friends, O., that I met on the WTE boards, who recently under went her first IVF cycle. The story is quite similar to mine... all the hope in the world, but a few days before the blood test the spotting begins. And we were both told by our RE's "We've see this plenty of times before and women still get a BFP". Although, my cycle didn't turn out that way.. I truly hope she is one of those wonders!!!

Anyway, I went to bed feeling sad, for both of us. If my FET cycle had worked I would have been due on March 1st. Yup, I'd be 34 weeks pregnant, almost read to pop. So what do I do to comfort myself? I grabbed my penguin and cuddle with it and softly cried. I cried about my failed cycles, I cried about the potential failed cycle of O and I cried for all the women who have suffered the same sort of loss or failed fertility treatment. Infertility blows!! There I said it.. and yes I throwing a big "F U" to the TTC Gods, too!!

And to top it all off.. I woke up this morning to AWFUL cramps!! Yup, 5:30 this morning my cycle began.. woke me up from a sound sleep and all!! So my questions about when I ovulated have been answered, it was earlier than I had thought. Which means that when I rolled the dice this morning, I landed on another chute and down I slid back to the beginning of another cycle. Another chance at praising the TTC Gods and hoping they bless me with a BFP.


  1. It does REALLY suck, and there's nothing fair about it. There's not even much about it that makes ANY kind of sense.


  2. Oh Maddie, I read your blog everytime hoping to see you announcing your miracle....I am praying for you, and sending you a big hug!



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