We have weekly theraplay sessions with "B"ella (the 3 year old), most of the time the therapist just watches my interaction with her and we discuss anything that came up during the week. She gives me ideas on how to handle the situation(s) differently (which I gladly accept.. hey I am basically parenting triplets here!).Anyway, this week's session was video taped (it gets erased immediately after viewing).
Here's the scene (TAKE 1):
I am at the kitchen table with "B"ella and "C"indy, while "A"arron is cruising around the kitchen in his walker. We are working on melting beads (for those not in the know.. they are plastic things that you put on a peg board in different shapes and then using the iron you melt the plastic so that the shape sticks together). I am attempting to open the container (its new and sealed ever so tightly), while "B"ella is "reading" a book.. she is telling me all about this book, who the characters are and what they are doing. "C"indy is patiently waiting for the beads so she can begin working on her design. I get the container opened and quickly realize that the beads need a container of their own, so that we don't have beads all over the floor for "A"arron to eat! I tell the girls not to touch the beads so that they don't end up on the floor... as SOON as my back is turned.. up jumps "B"ella fist into the container and beads onto the table and the ground! I run over and move her hand out of the way "NO NO!!" She pouts.. I try to engage her "What happened to the beads?" She quietly says "Fa-war" I ask her "Is it okay that they are on the floor?" she says "No" and continues to pout.. so I tickle her and engage her with my hand on her face just goofing around to get her out of her mood. "C"indy wants to join in on the fun.. so I turn to "C"indy and cover my hand on her face and my hand with her hand. We continue with the melting beads and I get up once to help "A"arron because he was getting fussy in the walker.
FAST FORWARD: Review of the tape.... Yah, all the above stuff was done.. but my perception of it ummm.. not so clear! "B"ella did grab for the beads, but none of them landed on the floor.. I definitely could've handled that better. And umm yah "C"indy.. she was not sitting there patiently waiting.. she was feeling rejected by the lack of attention. It is not easy to manage the needs of 3 children, but seeing how poorly I did.. makes it easier to realize that I have to work harder at it. They all need equal time, attention and affection. So how do you do it all? Come on Super Moms.. tell me the secret to success!!
Wish I could help you with this one. I kind of wish I could video tape our house just to see how Bryan and I react to things.
ReplyDeleteA couple of things came to mind...I'm certainly not super mom, but I try to plan special time w/each of the kids. I try not to leave one out when we do a project. If one is not involved, they are not in the room completely so as not to 'sabotage' the work of the others. The same goes for eating in our house (we have 'issues'!) - when you ask to be excused, you may not come back to the table to tell us anything, show us anything or just try to bug the others who are still there. Also, I know it's hard, but maybe when you see that "B" is trying to get your attention and you need to go get another container, maybe tell "B" to come with you. That way she is getting a moment of your time alone and also not unsupervised. "Tell me about that book while we walk to the kitchen...." Just a thought =) It's really hard to give everyone equal attention, especially when the kids' needs are so different. We try to plan mini-dates w/the kids each week so they get some one on one, even if it is just helping mom do the laundry w/o a sibling. They get so sick of doing everything lumped together! Anyway - I am proud of you for being willing to accept the help - not everyone is...keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to give each child equal attention.. there are days when you will pay attention to one over the other and vice versa.. I guess it comes with the package!
ReplyDeleteMost of the times, kids don't even see what we see.. so don't be so hard on yourself!.
I think you're already a super mom for all you do!
When I taught pre-k the single most effective thing was to give everyone a "job". "I have a very special job for you. Do you think you can do it?" They are usually hooked. "Yes yes yes!" "Are you sure? It is a huge job?" "Jumping out of his/her skin-YES!" "I need you to hold this container of beads for me. You need to be sure not to drop them. You know your brother is very little and might think they are food. Do you think you can do this?" "Um hum-nodding yes" After you give away one job, find another job for the other child. Perhaps that child has to cary the containers you are getting. Usually this does the trick. They feel like you NEED them and they are proud of thier responsibility. Most often, it will buy you enough time to do what you need to and get back. Good Luck!!! Don't be too tough on yourself...you went from 2 adults to a family of 5 over night. You are doing an amazing job! (I wish my students had parents 1/2 as good as you!)
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Aimee